Goodbye 2009...Hello 2010!!!!!

Out with the old and in with the new! Another year has ended and a new year (and decade) are upon us. This is usually the time to make that list of New Years resolutions that you know will not happen just cuz you put them on a "list". My new year resolution is not to make any new year resolutions! I am going to continue striving to improve my life and everlasting happiness for both myself and Marcus.
It's hard to look back on 2009 - so many mixed emotions from this year. I got to do some great new traveling, new sights, and lots of new experiences with Marcus. This has been a great year with Marcus watching him grow and learn. Happiness and sadness with him growing up so fast. This was also the hardest year for my family with the loss of my grandmother and uncle in November. For this we have all had to deal with some unwanted growing pains as kids and adults. It's these unplanned life altering events that even though are pure torture at the time make us who we are today.
My wish for 2010 is continued blessings, good health, and pure happiness for everyone! 2010 plans to be filled with new adventures, love, and good will! Cheers to you and your family for a great New Year. Happy 2010 :))))

Christmas at Home

Time for some new memories to be made at home! Our at-home Christmas celebration started Wednesday afternoon with our last batch of holiday baking. We got everything done and the goodies packed up in the knick of time. The candy cane fudge was a hit this year!! I am so glad I gave the recipe a try and I hope some of you make it as well next year!!! We then got to visit with some friends and gift exchanges. I love surprising people with the unexpected gifts. Yes I do go overboard but I love it!!
Christmas Eve was a day for playing, stockings, prepping Christmas Eve dinner and Mass. Marcus and I exchanged stockings and a couple small gifts. He carefully picked out the ones for me to open...he was so proud of what he helped picked out.
This Christma Eve unlike any in my life came with a beautiful blanket of white SNOW!! Yes a white Christmas in Texas...one of the best possible gifts ever and sooo unexpected!!!!
We enjoyed watching it falling and bundling up to go out. That evening we spent some more time with friends before getting ready for our "overnight" guest. Marcus laid out the fresh cookies and milk. We spread the reindeer food over the white covered ground. I love this night of the year...Marcus is actually excited to go to be early!
Marcus was out like a light and Santa came thru making a mess and loving the cookies. Marcus tried to wake up at 430a,, 630am, 730am wanting to open presents. Each time he dozed back off and we finally got up at 830am to open gifts. Marcus played with his gifts from Santa while I made pigs in a blanket for breakfast. Then we started the real fun (and mess)...opening the rest of our gifts to each other. 3 hours later after getting up this morning Marcus sat on the couch and watched a cartoon...this was the first time to be still all morning. He was very happy, excited, and so many "Thank you's" and "I Love You's."
Then we took off to see the new movie Alvin and the Chipmunks. Back home to ride his new bike from Santa and his Christmas dinner wish...pizza! Go figure :) LOL
We ended this great day with some Chutes and Ladder and Memory! Another night early to bed for Marcus..too much excitement from such a great day with my little man!!! It couldn't have been better.

Christmas with Granny

This past weekend was our Christmas celebration with Granny and Uncle Denver. Time to reflect old memories and make some new ones. Traditions carried on...cookies, dinner, and stockings - my favorite part!
We started off the weekend with a playdate at Hoppin Hippo - an indoor playarea that Marcus just loves. My brother got him to try a couple new things and he was excited to show me around as this was my first time joining him there. He usually goes with Granny while visiting her solo.
We then had some last minute shopping and home to Granny's to relax. Saturday night we opened stockings - my mom has always managed to find great stocking stuffers.
We woke up Sunday morning to Christmas presents and then Christmas dinner. It was a tough time opening presents from Nana but we made it thru. Everything was great and appreciated. Then we took a ride to view some Christmas lights and decorations. Marcus had a great time!!! Thank you Granny for a great holiday celebration :)

Dear Nana

Dear Nana,

Thank you for all you have done over the past 73 years. You have lived a full and long life. Apparently this time last year you already knew that you would not be here with us this time around. We found your poem - "My First Christmas in Heaven" - you hand wrote and packed with mom's Christmas decorations from last year. We opened the gifts this morning that you had already purchased for this Christmas season. So prepared yet so much left undone. It was tough to not buy presents for you and felt weird passing out gifts and seeing "from Nana" with no "To Nana."
Mom read the poem outloud and your gifts were the first ones opened. As usual you did great and actually got practical things we needed. Marcus loved his Patrick pillow and even though he doesn't want to admit it to Granny, I think Iron Man was his favorite toy. Thank you for the Pyrex set...I really did need some oven safe dishes!
Just like every year...Mom mislabled gifts and I'm sure she has forgotten some. We'll get a call in a few weeks..."Guess what I found for you in the closet!" Dinner was great...the usual...ham, mashed potatoes, mac-n-cheese, green beans and rolls. Mom did think she put the ham in the oven at 930am and Denver found it in the fridge at 11am. So needless to say we were a little late eating this year. Denver sliced the ham as usual...might was well use his MAN skills for something...lol
I had no salad as it just didn't seem worth it just for me. My salad eatin' family member is gone. I had no one to fight with over who was going to clean up after dinner. I just started cleaning up and washing the dishes in silence.
Everyone is napping as I sit and stare at your memorial table Mom created. It's kinda wierd looking at that black box and sorry but we did not set you on the table while we ate...Denver was wigged out!
I truely hope your first Christmas in Heaven is everything as you had hoped for. You are able to once again spend this season with your mom and dad. I know how happy that has made you. Despite you telling us that you are not far away and we shouldn't have any tears...it's still tough to hold them back knowing that you are not here with us. We miss you and love you lots.

Holiday Fun

The holiday season is definitely under way and busy as usual. Shopping - check; gifts wrapped - check; cards stuffed and mailed - check, etc!! We have had 2 visits with Santa plus mailed of 2 additional letters to the North Pole (Marcus wanted to make sure he got it all!)
This was the first year that Marcus was 100% excited to see Santa - big accomplishement.
The tree is trimmed, house decorated, and we are ready to start sharing holiday time with friends and family. Holiday activities have included a tree lighting ceremony and Santa in Rowlett then Christmas in the Park in Mesquite complete with Santa, roasted marshmellows, hot cocoa, santa's workshop, Mrs. Claus and a pony ride. It was extremely cold but that feeling while hanging outside for 2 hours is the best part. We made a trip to Athens to check out the Christmas Park lights display. Checking out lights and decorations is by far my favorite part of the season. I am so glad that Marcus really enjoys this to. We still plan on going out to Richardson to visit Santa's Village and have lots of parties and visits coming over the next couple weeks. Marcus loves shopping and picking out gifts. We even picked some toys for Toys for Tots. I'd like to make sure that Marcus knows what is really important during this time of the year. We picked out a couple for both girls and boys and he had a great time picking out the presents then dropping them off. Today was his ultimate shopping trip with Granny -- he got to christmas shopping for me. This is a tradition that my mom has done with him every year and he looks forward to it and puts lots of thoughts into what he wants to give Mommy for Christmas. Now the time starts for baking holiday treats and party food!!! Still lots to look forward too and great new memories to be made! Here's to you making your holiday memories too!!!!!!!!
Happy Holidays!

Thanksgiving Weekend

This has been a great Thanksgiving holiday weekend :)
Happy, sad, funny, memorable, new, unforgettable, desirable, and last but not least loving -- all emotion filled events!

My 2nd ever by myself dinner turned out great. Just enough food for leftovers to send but not that UGH full feeling after the meal. Marcus yelled out "This is the best Thanksgiving ever!"...that made it for me right there :) Cooking for my family is easy but lots of different carbs...dressing for myself, mac-n-cheese for my brother, mashed potatoes for mom, and parmesan noodles for Marcus. Everyone's favorites. Then we had a relaxing afternoon of football - yes I watched the Cowboys (made me nauseated but I made it thru) lol. We also watched the Texas vs. A&M and Go Longhorns!!! Throw in a vicious game of Uno Spin of which my brother won and some hot gingerbread for dessert. All made for a perfect Thanksgiving day!! Surrounded by great company and lots of laughs and smiles. The long day ended perfectly making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Friday started out with some shopping but not crazy black Friday shopping at 3am...I was still snoozing til 730am. Headed down nostalgia lane in my old neighborhood -- good memories! Then we headed to Firewheel since my mom had not been there before. Got home to relax a little then back out with some friends to see New Moon -- Team Edward all the way!!!! Not really into the wet dog smell...lol

The weekend has been more on the relaxing side...picked up around the house, laundry, lots of gift wrapping, cleaned out the DVR recordings and Marcus had a playdate at CEC. Gotta get ready to get back in the normal weekly routine tomorrow :(

Friday started out with some shopping

Thoughts of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving this year will be unlike any precedented Thanksgiving in my family. We will be one member short at the table this year. Our beloved Nana will be watching from above. It will be very weird as I step into the kitchen this year...she's not there to either help or cook it all herself. No more of her telling us to leave the mess til later so we can play cards after dinner. No more stuffing ourselves full while she barely took a few bites cuz she was full from cooking it all.

Old habits are hard to break. I finally deleted her phone number from my house phone but can not yet delete it out of my cell. I have stopped myself 3 times so far in picking up things for her for Christmas. I always seem to find the exact point in the Christmas candy aisle with the creme drops that she loved. Marcus and I made ornaments with her picture in them to hang on the tree. She will be a part of our Christmas forever now and hanging on our tree shining bright. My only regret is letting her win when she said no pictures of her. It was so hard to get pictures of her and now that is all we have or shall I say what little we have.

This Thanksgiving (more than any other) will be a time to remember our blessings and truely thankful moments in life. She will forever be with us and we will continue to go on one day at a time.

On another sad note, I will be attempting my 2nd turkey dinner for Thanksgiving in my adulthood. It has been 12 years since I have made a Thanksgiving dinner...should be interesting. The turkey is already clean of feathers, right???? lol

So Brave!

Marcus has been such a brave boy this past week. Some new and possibly scary experiences for both mom and him. First we headed to Children's Medical Center to have a head CT done. We are on a hunt to track down the causes of his headaches lately. We practiced laying really still like he would have to do. I was so hoping he would cooperate so he wouldn't have to be sedated. I kept reassuring him there was no pain or nothing touching him. He told me he was scared but he would be brave...and so brave he was. He climbed up on the table and put his arms down to his side and told the lady to start moving the table. Perfect images 1st time around and we were done! Nothing found requiring emergency treatment...just waiting on final results from the dr.

Secondly, (part of the same headache hunt) I made his first eye exam appointment. I needed to go anyways so we got back to back appointments. Again I tried to explain what they would ask him to do. I forgot about the puff of air test...I hate that one myself so I was expecting him to protest a little after the 1st eye but not a thing...he changed eyes and took it like a man!
He did great and passed with flying colors. No vision problems of any kind and the doctor told me she was very proud of how well he took and followed directions. She said she had better cooperation and a more thorough exam from him at the age of 4 then from some patients at the age of 10. Way to go!!!

Now if I were truely a mean mom I would have scheduled a dental appointment too this week....nah...we'll save that one for later!

Date with Marcus

This past Sunday was a date day with the best little man I know! I took Marcus to Nokia Theater to see the show Curious George Live. It was great and Marcus was full of smiles the entire show. Who doesn't love that little monkey? We didn't really know what to expect but it turned out great. Theme song (and dance) along with all the favorite characters. Marcus was a little disappointed since George didn't make a big mess as he usually does. He did stow away on a plane to Rome so I would consider that BIG TROUBLE...lol

After the show we went to The Magic Time Machine for a late lunch early dinner. A first experience and again it was a winner. Marcus loved all the different pictures and decorations. We got there at the perfect time and our server was Captain Jack Sparrow from The Pirates of the Carribean. Marcus loved him and kept asking him where the treasure were. He even noticed that the bottom of our table made an X with the crossbars. Pirate Jack (as Marcus called him) proceeded to tell him to get a shovel and Marcus took that queue and crawled under the table.

The food was great and Marcus loved his blue bubbly volcano drink!

Tis the Season...

6 weeks to go...tis the season to be jolly and merry!!!
I absolutely love this time of the year...decorations, tree trimming, trees, lights, cards, picture taking opporunities, gift wrapping, shopping, baking, giving, smiles, cheers, Santa and the list goes on...
I've got a good start on it all...tree is up and decorated, decorations throughout the house, cards in the making, holiday crafts, list of items to bake, holiday parties, and gifts to get wrapped and under the tree. I'm so glad that Marcus loves this time of the year. He gets a kick out of just walking thru the stores looking at the decorations. He can't wait to see Santa and make his list. He's been reviewing the Toys R Us Big Toy Book to prepare for his list making. We have lots of plans for fun holiday activities this year and they are officially under way! I'm so excited...

Day at the Zoo

Marcus wanted to go visit his animal friends at the FW Zoo so we had the open day and spent it there. The animals were very active today...probably the best live animal action we have yet to see. The gorillas were walking around and eating fruits. We watched two gibbons (monkeys) playing a great fast game of tag and putting on quite a show. Orangutans were kissing. Most of the animals were eating left over pumpkins. We finally made our way to the tigers and lions...Marcus favorite part. The white tiger was right up to the glass window pacing back and forth. It's awesome to see those animals so up close but I wouldn't want to meet them in the jungle. We stood around with the tigers and lions for a good 30 minutes. Marcus can stay there all day if I would let him. We were able to see the King of the Jungle make 2 rounds of ROARing...just to let everyone know that he is the boss. We even managed to see him mark his territory (if you catch my drift) and Marcus thought that was funny. After we had seen most of the animals, we got some lunch then hung around in Texas Wild. Marcus was promoted today to riding the carousel by himself fir the first time while I waited outside and snapped some pics. It may seem little but just yet another step to his ever growing independence. "Mommy, I can do it by myself." :( Ending the day with a train ride back to the front of the zoo and one last look at the flamingos and gorillas/monkeys. It was a great day all around...weather, animals, and lots of happy smiles from my little man!!!

Here's the link to pictures.
http://picasaweb.google.com/jenbissen2003/DayAtTheZoo?authkey=Gv1sRgCPe456Sosof0Tg&feat=directlink

Whirlwind

This has been a whirlwind of a week, that is for sure. Again, I apologize for the distance...but for the most part we have joined the world again. I just needed some alone time following my Nana's passing Monday evening. A little communication here and there was really all I could handle. Both Monday and Tuesday evenings invovled some nausea and not so fun bouts of vomit. Probably just a form of stress relief I'm sure. Marcus had his first cry for our beloved Nana and woke from sleep the other night. He has started to ask a few more questions and I even heard him playing in his room and sending the bad guys to heaven so they couldn't be bad anymore. The angels would help them be good. It's hard for me to know how much he understands and I know children are far more resilent than we are but still I wish I could know what he was truely thinking.
Marcus enjoyed being back at school and dance this week...his normal activities as compared to the off week we had last week. I am better at talking about her and what has happened now. I believe a few days to process my intial grief, denial and anger. I am fine talking about her life and our memories of her. The nights were lonely, laying in the bed trying to fall asleep. Emptiness and sadness followed by thoughts of all the future events she would be missing out on. I am truely grateful she got to experience her first and probably her one and only great-grandchild as I know being a "Nana" was what she was meant to be. I am sorry there was no wedding for her to be part of. I know that if that day were to come in the future she would be looking down and wishing me only the best. I also know she will be looking out for Marcus as he grows up. We will always have our memories and her love as we move forward with our lives.

Harvest Fun and Halloween 2009

We had a great harvest season and Halloween this year.

Marcus got to visit a couple pumpkin patches including Moores Farm in Tyler, TX. His 1st trip thru a corn maze -- which he loved!! He was great at it too. Marcus actually got his face painted this year for only the 2nd time in his life.
Marcus went trunk or treating at FUMC again this year and had a blast for a mini trick-or-treating. Familiar faces and lots of candy!

Marcus, my mom and brother put up the outside decorations and Marcus was so proud. He came running inside to tell me to come look at the scary stuff!

We carved pumpkins this year for the first time. I had a basic jack-o-lantern carving lesson and did a little (like only cutting out the top of the pumpkin) lol. Marcus had no interest once he saw the inside and what he would have to pull out. He liked the final products but that was it!

Trick or treating was lots of fun and there soooo much candy! About 30mins into it..he was tired of walking...so I said no candy if no walking...lol He kept going for another hour. We finally got back to Granny's house for his last attempt at "Trick-or-Treat!"

Once back home Marcus got the chance to pass out some candy to "customers" and I think he had more fun with that.

All in all it was a great time of fun and lots good memories.

Thank You

I wanted to send out a public "THANK YOU" for all of the wonderful thoughts, good wishes and prayers over this past week. It has been a long week ending a long 6 months (at least) of ill health for my grandmother. Even though I have not said it recently please know that I truely am grateful for all of the support and kind words. It makes such a difference. I have not been very communicative with everyone so here is the short version.
My grandmother has been sick which started last November with coughing. Turns out she has lung cancer on top of a heart condition and severe malnutrition/dehydration. My mom called 911 a week ago today and she was admitted into the hospital. She is refusing medical treatment and flood/fluids. We moved her into a hospice care facility Wed evening and she is now on Morphine for pain and basically made comfortable at this point.
So here I am playing the waiting game. That sounds so awful as true as it may be. I feel sad, heartbroken, angry, relieved, guilty...the list could go on.
Sad for losing my grandmother. This is the first immediate family member that I grew up with to lose to death. I know it's a natural part of life and I know it is better for her in the long run but it doesn't make it any easier.
Heartbroken for my son. Will he remember his Nana? Will he know how truely wonderful she was? Even thru her stubbornness and controlling ways. No longer will I hear "Nana let me do it." This one little phrase that I used to love when telling my mom as a child but now that I am a mother took on a whole new affect for me.
Angry for her being so stubborn and refusing to get treatment or help. Makes me wonder if she knew the whole time. I look back on this past year and even if we were to find out about the cancer last November, she would have refused treatment and we would have lived in fear of the cancer for this entire time. Like a big black cloud hanging over her head. If that were the case she might not have had as many high moments as she did. Maybe the not knowing and sudden decline really was the best for her.
Relieved to some extent that her pain will be short lived and she will soon enough be pain free and in peace.
Finally I feel guilty for all of the above. I know this is all natural but again not so easy. I only hope I am helping my mother as much as possible. I have made peace with her passing and now have to be here for Marcus. He has done quite well. I do believe it is getting hard for him to continue to see her like this. Her cognitive awareness is quickly fading. She is not making alot of sense and very hard to understand. She is seeing and talking to non-existent things / people. It might be hard but better for him to say his goodbye and keep the good memories he has of her. I don't want his last to be the worst.
We still have some tough times ahead but I feel better expressing it somewhat.
Thanks for listening.

So Many Emotions

How many emotions can one person go thru in a week???
Let's count shall we?
Anger, sadness, lonliness, hurt, confusion, longing for more, happiness, excitement, joy, worry, scared, terrified, more sadness, more worry, conflict, resolution, self worth, confidence, more excitement, content, and finally peace.

I'm sure I have left some out but you get the idea. No one ever told me that being a grown up would this hard sometimes. I do think things happen for a reason (to some extent). We are given branches from the tree of life and it is up to us to tug that branch or break it off and keep going. I did lots of tugging this week.

I had to do some hard personal searching and listening. Forgivess and acceptance. Not easy to come by. I do believe I have done what I believe is right and just as I suspected...starting with leaving the past behind me was the most difficult. Already looking to the future and the light is bright!!!

Lots of sadness, worry and anger towards my grandmother. Why must she be so stubborn and just want to give up? Yes she is 73 but that doesn't mean she has to give up and want to leave her life. She has so much to look forward too...mainly watching Marcus grow up. It really hit me this morning after talking to her. She sounds awful but unfortunately she has brought it on herself. I am sad for her wanting to give up and die, mad at her for doing this and being selfish, and hurt knowing I would miss her if the worst were to happen. Good news so far with no immediate life threatening issues...just her stubborness and possible psychological issues and control on her part. It's difficult to think she is causing this hurt and stress on purpose. We will see what comes of the mental eval and then deal with that as necessary. I am very grateful to know that she is most likely not dying at this moment but am still concerned for her well being.

So now I find myself looking towards my future - very scary but exciting!!! I know in my heart I have my memories to take with me and my love to pass on.

Great Saturday!!

Marcus and I had a great day out and about after a crazy up and down week. Woke up this morning for Marcus' dance class. I actually sneaked in a few pics on my phone (love that phone) then he picked Jack-n-Box for lunch. He even took his JIB toy car to show them.
We then headed out to Rockwall to hit the pumpkin patch and hay maze. Marcus looked and looked for the right pumpkin and finally settled on a little one...just his size cuz he could pick it up (his words). He really loved the hay maze..no surprise there and only went thru it about 20 times. I was able to get some good harvest pictures and Marcus actually had his face painted - pictures of choice were a pumpkin and skull. This was the first time he has done face painting since he was 2. We then proceeded to run by Micheals and Lane Bryant for me!!! I got some great deals and great new clothes. New clothes are even better in smaller sizes. Marcus sat there as I tried on clothes and told me I was pretty!!!! What else does a mommy need?
Last stop was Walmart...my despise on the weekends but I had no choice. We needed some groceries something bad. Got a birthday gift, few Christmas gifts and finally groceries and TP!!!!!!!! Finally made it home around 6pm and put away everything, cleanded out the fridge and pantry. I made dinner and then Marcus made mini-brownies for dessert. Then he proceeded to paint his small pumpkin...his own creation and design! He enjoyed it so that is all that matters. He finally passed out and here I sit watching The Proposal and my online addictions...I don't need help, I don't need help, I don't need help....LOL

East Texas Vacation

This past weekend was Marcus' vacation in East Texas. We took a long weekend mini-vaca and headed out to Tyler, Palestine and surrounding areas. This was Marcus' fun with a little throw in for my mom and I.

Friday was full of animals....big cats mostly. Marcus loves his tigers and lions...they are sooo cute...how could you not? First stop was the Tiger Creek Refuge Camp. Lions and Tigers and Tigers on my!!!! Up close and personal...so much closer than any zoo type setting I have seen so far. Standing a good 3 feet from the Kind of the Jungle is quite amazing. My mom adopted a 1 year old white bengal tiger in his name. He will get regular updates and has to send periodic money to the refuge camp to help take care of his tiger. He was estatic and is very proud of his tiger cub. Next stop was the Caldwell Zoo. This zoo is the best by far for the most natural settings within a zoo. The African overlook scene was AMAZING. It looks out as if all the animals were on one plain roaming wild together. We walked up and had to look 3 or 4 times seeing the lions lazing nearby the zebras...don't the zookeepers know that lions eat zebras?? lol

Friday night my mom and I visited the Tyler Drive-In theater. It was great fun and definitely not an everyday experience. Marcus was in awwww of the big screen outside. He slept some and hung out in the backseat with his portable dvd player. Nothing beats the movie from the comfort of your car, cheap snacks including homemade rice krispie treats, or your own volume control and steaming up the car windows...yes with my mother...LOL

Saturday was a short drive to Palestine. Driving over Lake Palestine was gorgeous. This another summer spot for my list! So much to do on the lake and beautiful surroundings. We finally boarded the East Texas Railroad for a roundtrip to Maydelle on the steam engine. My first true train ride...and it was great. Walking the cars takes practice!!!! I looked as of I had been downing Tequila the morning before...lol Marcus loved it and was even witness to a train robbery! (No worries...all money stolen was donated to charity) We got to Maydelle and got to watch the train engine spin on the Maydelle Turntable....full 180 degrees. Definitely a cool thing to see. We finished up with a sleepy ride back to our home depot...the gentle rocking of the train was easily putting us to sleep. Marcus was zonked when we got back to the depot. We found a hole in the wall diner for lunch then headed back to Tyler. We stopped by the Tyler Rose Garden for some roses. Marcus enjoys walking around the flowers. They have some great picturesque scenes there and some awesomely colored roses. No wonder they are the Rose Capital of TX!!!
Saturday night concluded with a trip to Dairy Queen for ice cream for dinner...only on vacation!!!

Sunday was spent at Moore Farms visiting the animals, pumpkin patch, hay ride, and corn maze. Marcus was GREAT at the corn maze. He was a natural at following his instinct to get out of the maze, not once but twice. He was on a roll and would have gone back in by himself if I allowed him to do so. From there we visited the pumpkin patch to pick a pumpkin. He had to carefully look and inspect to find the right one! Thank goodness it wasn't the monster size pumpkin! lol Lots of picture ops for the harvest fun. Marcus' favorite part was the corn box....literally a box full of corn kernels..similar to a sand box. Marcus laid down and tried to bury himself in corn!!!! Now if he would only eat it!!!! We made it home with a bed tied to my hood...yes a BED!!!!

It was great vacation and mini-rest. Lots of quality time with my mom. Marcus had a blast but as usual was ready to come home! He's such a homebody!!!! Pics will be posted soon.

Big Boy Bed

Marcus finally has a new bed....and he loves it! I have been looking but just couldn't find something I liked and was willing to spend the money for yet. My mom and I found a gently used loft bed with a metal frame and only half as tall as most others. It's only 3 steps up and no steps needed to get down....he JUMPS!! There is plenty of room underneath for his superhero fort....and he has been under there all day playing.

This "perfect" bed was no small feat. Thanks to my mom and brother for helping out last night and today. After 2 trips to Walmart and 2 different Home Depots...we finally got storage and all the right hardware for the new bed. Marcus and I then spent another couple hours arranging his room and playing in the fort.

I'm not worried about him having to get up in the middle of the night nearly as if he were up at the ceiling. There are side rails and he has lots of pillows and stuff animals around the edges. We still have to get a twin mattress and new bedding.

He was very excited to sleep in his big boy bed tonight! Here is showing off with his moves and a couple pics he took himself and finally ready for bed!!

Thank You

Just a public "Thank You" for all the great birthday wishes today. You know who you are and this goes out to you. My day has been perfect. Marcus woke me up singing Happy Birthday...not once but twice. Then off to the gym for a 2 hour workout. Came home to find my mom here waiting on me then off again for errands and a pedicure. I even got a free French pedicure for my birthday..can't be freebies!!!

Marcus waited all day for my cake. We didn't plan on having a cake since we were leaving out of town in the morning. He was so disappointed when we told him we weren't having a big cake. My mom took a candle and arranged for the On The Border staff to bring out a dessert with the candle lit. Marcus' face just lit up as bright as the candle when they came out to sing. Afterwards we sang Happy Birthday, made a wish, and blew out the candle. We had a fantastic dinner and should be heading to bed...early wake up call in the morning.

On a side note, its interesting to see who cares to send out the warm wishes for the special moments in your life. I have had some warm wishes today from blasts from the past...some I would have never expected. Just makes you wonder why/when people choose to think of you or express their feelings and when they don't. Why is it that now I find myself more concerned with those that chose not to...today...on this one day...1 out of 365. Just makes me wonder how important you are to those you consider important in your life. It just makes me sad to know how much I think of certain people and thus get the proof of no return thoughts or consideration.

Refreshed and ready to tackle another year!

I wake up today with a sense of freshness. On this day as I turn 32, I look to my past, at my present and into the future. Another new year and another chance to make yet another great year of my life story. I am beginning to realize that my present life may be holding me in the past instead of allowing me to move into the future. Clean start….that’s the answer. It is truly needed for my future happiness. I have been told several times this past week that I don’t do enough for me or I am too absorbed in thinking of Marcus’ future. What about my own future? Yes they will cross but I have my own dreams and desires. What kind of values can I instill in Marcus if I don’t follow them myself? I am suddenly having these eyes-wide-open awakenings of what I want for my future. No one can make it happen but me. I know now that I can not be truly happy in the long term if I continue the path of the present. I need to move into the future and remove myself from the past. I know this is easier said than done but it must be done. I firmly believe that people and experiences are introduced into your life for specific reasons and times. These people and events are what make us who we are, give us our strengths and point out our weaknesses. It is however, up to us to make the final decisions of what to do with them and how they will change our lives. I am truly thankful for all I have, whom I have come to know, and what I have learned from my previous 32 years in this life. Never taken for granted, never forgotten, and cherished always.

Year of Reflection

And once again, that time of the year is rearing it's ugly head....my birthday that is. Don't get me wrong I love celebrating my birthday - infact mental reminder to start my daily nagging to my mom. Every year, never fails, she expects it and loves it!!! Anyways back to me....I like to look back over the past year to see my growth -- or in some cases my downward spiral.

Looking back over this year I have done some personal inner and outer growth and finally became comfortable with what I want out of life. I have realized life is too short for the drama and games. I want the bigger picture of true life happiness.
I have taken a serious grasp on my health for my future well being - not only for myself but for Marcus. I want him growing up proud of his mother, knowing that I have done everything possible for a long happy healthy life. I am very proud of my accomplishments thus far and have no plans to give up now.
Some may say that my work can easily consume me and I would agree. I rather enjoy my work and take pride in such efforts in my career. I have been contemplating going back to school for a masters degree...still haven't fully decided what I want to be when I grow up. I should probably think about that soon before I have to be a full-time adult...lol

I look back over this year and I have watched Marcus grow up into a little man. I can't believe he is 4 & 1/2 now. He has accomplished so much in just his short life...kind of makes my last year irrevelant. I do know that I have gained patience and a strong sense of pride as a mother both learned from him. Life seems so simple thru the eyes of a child. His hugs to pick me up when I am sad, his kisses for my boo-boos, his laugh for what I thought was not so funny but starts a laughing addiction, his grasp to see and touch everything as he learns his world around him and last but not least his sparkle in his eye and everlasting smile for only me. That is what life is really about, in it's plainest, simplest form. I could ask for no more from my child.

Just like anyone, I hit my downs and times of sadness. My romantic life has been a bit of a roller coaster of emotions. Don't get me wrong - I like roller coasters but at some point everyone must get off the up and down ride. During my times of loneliness I can't help but think that maybe I'm not meant to share my life with another person. That makes me sad...why would I not be good enough to share my life? Why would someone else not want to share their life with me? I don't have the answers - duh...if I did then I would not have to ask the questions. lol

I have had a couple eye-opening experiences this year. I can only reflect on these and hope to use them to grow even more in the upcoming year. I need to open my lines of communication with a variety of people. I need to continue the path of moderation in all aspects of my life. I need to open my heart to those around me. I need to open my mind to a variety of views in life. I need to open my eyes to my surroundings. I am ready to take the leap of faith in making a better life for myself!!!

I have no regrets from my past year. It has been filled with lots of firsts and great everlasting memories. I am looking forward to my future. Not knowing what's in store for the year ahead - makes it even more exciting. I keep thinking about the new ABC show - "Flash Forward". If you were given the option to see your future 6 months from now for only a 2 minute glimpse - what would you do?? That is a tough one...what if it was a negative aspect in your future? You could take it as a warning and possibly change the course of your direction or what if it was something completely different than you would have ever dreamed of...do you sit and wait or worry about the possible change? I don't think I would like to see my future until the future becomes the present. No regrets on the past. Only dreams and hopes for the future. I am looking forward to a bright year at the ripe old age of 32 (ouch!!!)...lol

Karate

Marcus turned over a new leaf this year and wanted to give Karate a try. It's offered at his MDO program so that means that is one less place / time I have to be. I love that and will gladly write my check each month.!!! Last year he wanted nothing to do with but all has changed with his new found love for superheroes and fighting. He got his uniform today and told me that he can kick harder with his white belt on...as if it gives him super powers. He's enjoying it so far and I kinda like the idea of him learning the discipline and self comfidence that comes with the art. He might as well learn now how to direct his anger and strength. I wish him the best!!

So not winning Mother of the Week!!!

I have been so off this whole week. I guess I left my "mommy" skills on the road! Maybe I just have too much on my mind lately. Not really sure what is up but poor Marcus is getting the worst of it. First he gets locked out on the patio and it takes me 15min to get the screen door unjammed. I had him believing that he was going to have to sleep outside. Then he slipped getting out of the tub last night and tonight he comes really close to getting his fingers slammed in the car door. What will happen tomorrow???? At least it's not Friday the 13th...lol
All I know is that I had better shake whatever I have going on soon!

Notes from the Road!!!

What else could be better besides the open road and a map to Las Vegas????
I had a great week away just doing whatever! I got to see some great scenery across 5 states and lots of new experiences. California coast, lights of Las Vegas, Hoover Dam with lots more in between. After a few stops by Border Patrol and actually believed to be a US Citizen...lol First trip to the West Coast - only thing I have to say negative is not enough time. Had some good ol' Cali-Mex food (not Tex-Mex for once), fish tacos and hung out on Ocean Beach in San Deigo. Las Vegas was great, exciting and so much to see. We casino hopped, tried new foods and had some drinks and slots. Even though Lady Luck was not on my side or anywhere near me for that matter it was a blast. Lions, tigers and dolphins oh my!! I got to hold a lion cub at MGM Grand - most likely a once in a lifetime experience. Up close to dolphins and tigers at The Mirage. I took a quick elevator trip 540 feet in the air for some great views from the Paris Eiffel Tower. Back on the road and some great scenic views to Arizona. I got to spent some quick visits with long lost family - grandmother, Aunt, Uncle and cousins in Arizona. It was great and felt nowhere like it had been 2+ decades of in person visting! I miss them and will be definitely going back in the Spring. This week was definitely an eye opening experience with lots of time to think about lots of stuff. What's next???

Pet Rocks

Marcus has his first pet...4 pet rocks! All named and a homemade house for! He has to take care of them by feeding them nightly - they love baby goldfish. He has to check on them, talk to them and can take them out to play once in awhile. Of course they can't stay home by themselves so when he visits Granny he will have to tote them along.

He picked out each color and each name himself...all with superheroes in mind.

SuperMan "Rex" (dark blue)

"Dino" Hulk (purple...not sure why not green...lol)

"Ice"Man (aquamarine..same as is iceman toy)

"Tiny" Batman (who is pink...kinda funny)

We'll see how this goes and hopefully I can successfully make sure they eat their goldfish every night....i.e....removing evidence before he wakes up in the morning. I'm excited to see his excitement about his pets. He helped make their house and wanted to add some toys so they could play..a block and ball; even complete with a blanket and food dish.

Stay tuned....

Labor Day Weekend

What a great Labor Day weekend getaway! It's times like this that make you cherish your friends and family! It was nice to spend some relaxing time with friends for a couple days. We chilled outside and watched the kids play with much needed freedom compared to their daily routines. Marcus was given the chance to play rough and tough in the dirt and grass. It took some working up to but this morning before we left he did spend a good 2 hours barefoot running around the yard. That is a huge achievement for my "obsessively clean little boy." We enjoyed the peaceful country scene and sounds, good food and great friends. A couple margaritas and hot tub dip in the evening! Marcus enjoyed playing with Dylan but not as much as Dylan enjoyed having Marcus around I think. Drive home was complete with a visit to a couple zebras and camels on I-20. Marcus like the camels until they came up to us trying to be a little too friendly! lol
Back home with the normal routine for a few more days then off to San Diego and Vegas!

Week of Firsts

Brand new school year is now in full swing. This has been a week of firsts for both Marcus and I.

Marcus has started a new session of dance class (combo/tumbling). He had a blast and did great for the first day. He is the only boy this time around but I think he likes being the McDaddy Marcus with all his dancin' girls!!! lol

Today was his first day of Pre-K!! Pre-K...seriously already? Somedays I feel like I just brought him home from the hospital. I look back at far we have both come these past 4+ years. It's amazing what children teach their parents. Pre-K went off great! He helped make teacher survival kits and homemade sugar cookies. He loves giving gifts of any kind to anyone...I just love his generousity and sense of self-fulfillment he gets from giving. He came home with lots of stories from the day...input 4 year old imagination here!

His main excitement for the day was Karate. He has the option to take Karate classes at MDO and this was the first year he wanted to give it a try. He told me that he kicked the shield so hard and knocked down the guy. He was so proud! He was a little upset though that he didn't have a karate uniform so hopefully that will be even more exciting.

Such an exciting year ahead...I can't wait to see what's in store for him as he learns and grows into a young man.

Downtown Dallas Fun

What a night!!! Great fun, food, friends and new adventures!!!

We actually spent the evening in Downtown Dallas almost as tourists in our own home town. I must say I haven't done much of that since I have lived in this area since I was 5 years old.
Evening started out with Marcus' first train ride on the Dart Rail. He loved it for the speed and the fact there was no seatbelt (go figure for a 4 year old)...lol

Got off the train to stand in line (yes in the heat) for the Disney Christmas Carol Train Tour @ Union Station. Marcus enjoyed the bigger train and looking at the behind the scenes movie stuff. He likes Scrooge...go figure! The best part was at the end when you got to morph your own picture into a character picture from the movie. The last train car smellled soooo good like Christmas gingerbread!! Made me excited for Christmas time already. We can't wait for the movie and hopefully Marcus will remember and think about what we already saw from the train.

Last night also included Marcus' first trip to a porto-potty...even as a lucky boy with no need to touch anything, he refused to go cuz "it was nasty and stuff in the icky water" - his words! He's more girlie than me sometimes. He was a trooper and held it for about another hour to a clean RR at TGIF. Dinner at a cool place (for the kids) with a huge image of Superman on the wall and all. We had some hungry kids complete with ice cream for dessert.

To end the evening experience in downtown, we were able to talk the horse-drawn carriage driver down on his price and took the kids on a ride thru the West End. They loved it and this by far was the best part of the night. The weather was perfect by this time and the kids enjoyed waving as our horse Princess Jasmine or "Jazzy" trotted along the streets. I myself have always wanted to do this and we got to do it together!!! The driver was very nice and friendly (by that I mean very talkative) and even played kid music during the ride -- Wheels on the Bus & On Top of Spagetti!! Even though Marcus love the ride, he didn't want to get close to the horse. Maybe next time.

Ended the night with a train ride back to Garland to our car and watching the storm clouds roll in . Complete with wind and trash blowing around the cobble streets of the West End. Marcus crashed hard and all night long!!!

Family

This past weekend we got to spend some time with my stepmom's parents. Marcus had a blast for the first time meeting them. He liked his great grandpa & grandma. Makes me wish I were closer to more of my family. Especially around the holidays I would love to have 30 or so relatives together around the table. Believe, they are out there but so many miles apart. I wish for Marcus to grow up a family orientated man. I hope he takes the concept of family to heart. Even though our immediate family is small I don't always feel we are close (not in the geographic sense). Yes I am the closest to my mom but not so much with my dad or brother. I wish that were different. It just feels as if the past is holding us back with no forward movements. For Marcus' sake especially we need to work on that and the sad thing it that it will have to fall on me to make the moves. But that is okay.
In a few weeks I will be seeing my grandmother from my dad's side face to face for the 1st time in 15 years. Yes she lives in Arizona but that should be no excuse for the time lapse. Marcus has yet to meet her so that visit will be in the works as well. He may not remember it but she and I will. I'm in hopes of getting to see a once very close cousin and I can't wait either....we were itty bitties (literally) last time we were face to face! I have been fortunate enough not to have lost any of my immediate family yet but I feel as if I need to wake and quit taking our time together for granted.

Apples to Oranges

Ok so lately I find myself conflicted, comparing apples to oranges if you will please. Why is that once I believe I know what I now what...I wake up to realize that it could be possibly something completely different? This goes for the small mundane day to day things to the life altering bigger choices. Why can't it be easy and compare apples to apples??? I guess that would be just too easy...wouldn't it? Life is short - that is for sure so it makes you want to have everything possible. There's not enough time in the day, days in the week, months in the year and years in our life. So instead I am going to try and start taking a step back to breathe and the inhale that I am living now...you can't hope and waste the present on what might or might not be in the future. Lots of exciting times comin up and great things to look forward to with family and friends!!!!

More To Love -- maybe or maybe not???

So as I sit here watching More To Love on ABC, I am sickened to the bottom of my stomach. All of these women are pulling out the pity stories and poor me crying eyes. These women have known this "perfect man" for only two weeks and are so mesmerized by him and deem him the only man that they could fall in love with. Take a step back and think of why exactly you are there and what you are truely looking for. To me these women have no self confidence, self worth nor do they know themselves enough to give themself to a man. It disturbs me that the network is portraying such an emphasis on their size. These are issues that women deal with no matter what their size. I get the jist of the show but I don't agree with the women trying to pull it off.

Anyways how does this stupid reality show relate to me, you might ask???
My life may not be the ideal for many people I know but that is what makes it my life. I have no regrets for how I have lived my life so far. Of course I wish for more but who doesn't? Of course I would like to find that special someone to share my life with but I am not going to create a pity party for myself in order to make that happen. I am happy and content with my life at the moment but I will continue to look for the positive future for even a better life. I don't blame my life on my weight or physical attributes. I don't have a problem meeting men - the problem is finding one I feel worthy to share my life with. I don't think I ask for too much -- just the same level of trust, honesty, respect and love. How difficult can that be?
I refuse to blame my social life on my weight...or how I look. No matter how you are physically if you look down on yourself then why shouldn't someone else. If you don't feel worthy then no one else will either. That's all on you, not them. Don't expect someone to treat you better than you treat yourself.
I have no regrets and I know what I want and I know someday it will all fall into place.
Thanks for listening to my ramble.
Thanks for listening.

Summer Update

Just thought I would give a mid-summer update. With everyone so busy these days I can't keep straight you has been kept in the loop and who has not. I figure this is the easiest way.
For the most part, the summer has been good to us. Marcus is addicted to swimming like a goldfish! He has really come out of his shell in the water this year...swimming alone with a swim ring, jumping in with and without the ring, going under water on his own....just not afraid of anything in the water. He also took a major advance at Burgers Lake a couple weeks ago and was walking barefoot in the sand & water. He has never liked the feel of the the wet sand but he was surprisingly okay at the lake. Maybe next summer we'll try the beach again.

Marcus completed his first year of dance and actually surprised us during the recital. I was prepared for tears and screams as he was pushed onto the stage. But just as he has always done he pulled thru and was great. He said he had a good time and wants to do it again so next week we're going to sign up for another year of dance. Marcus was introduced to T-Ball this summer and really enjoyed it. He wants to play again but we just have too many scheduling conflicts this fall. So next year T-Ball will be first pick if he still wants to play. He has also asked to take Karate at school so if offered, he's going to give that a try. I love the fact that he is open to trying new activities. I just hopes he finds a true passion and sticks to it to the best of his abilities as he gets older.

He also attended a couple weekly summer camps this year and had a great time meeting new friends. He made some great art work and tried some new foods as well as gaining independence. It was tough on us both having to get up and out every morning for a solid week. I will be the first to admit that I am spoiled so we have another year to practice getting up and out the door for school every morning. Ugh...

Other fun activities this summer --> Medieval Times for the first time and loved it; the Ringling Brothers & Barnum Bailey Circus; getting better riding his bike; week visit with Granny and Nana; jumping off a diving board; and great week of VBS with his best buddy from preschool.

I can't believe that school is about to start again and another summer gone...I will have a pre-K student. Lots of fun things yet to come....my first major adult roadtrip across 5 states; vacation with Marcus and Granny to East Texas; lots of fun holidays with family and friends and then it will be time to ring in the new year...bring on 2010....geez I'm tired.

I hope everyone's summer has been great and best wishes to all!

What a night...

Today was great....until I left the house at 6pm...that is.
Marcus was excited all day to go to VBS again tonight. He is having a such a good time with his friend from preschool. It's amazing to watch your child develop relationships on their own. Just another milestone of their independence and personal growth.

So I drop him off and head to the gym for a good 1.5 hour workout. Leave the gym on a good high and get in my car...no start...5 times later I get it started. Seriously....so now I am freaked out about my car dying and not making it from Rowlett to Mesquite to pick up Marcus in time. I manage to get there, pick up Marcus and head for Auto Zone. Why must the guy with the attitude about his job have to be the one to wait on me??? He checks the battery and alternator and both are fine. Then he proceeds to give me a lecture about the battery cable corrosion. Like I need to hear this from him now....
So he sends me on my way yet I still have a check engine light and no dash lights. It has been starting fine since then. So I drive thru McDonalds to buy a large coke for the battery cables and it gets spilled before ever making it to the cables.

This was my queue that my day was over. I came inside and hit my head while getting out of the shower...my head is throbbing and still not able to fall asleep yet. So tomorrow I have to find out what the heck is wrong with my car and get it fixed before I have to drive to Waco Sat morning to take Marcus to my mom's.

This is my sign to buy a new car...I need to go shopping now...3 years for a car is my limit!!!! Must go car shopping!!!!

New beginnings

July -- new month, new season, new chapter in my life.

Wow - I can't believe it is July already. Half of 2009 is gone and what do we have from the past 6 months? Time seems to be flying by so much faster these days - I can't help but wonder if I am missing out on something bigger and better. Do I keep putting too much emphasis on the smaller things and not taking in the biggger picture?

Summertime is great! So much fun going on with family and friends. July 4th weekend was by far the best holiday I have had this year!! I definitely feel as if this past week has been a new beginning...only time will tell but I am so looking forward to the journey.