Year of Reflection

And once again, that time of the year is rearing it's ugly head....my birthday that is. Don't get me wrong I love celebrating my birthday - infact mental reminder to start my daily nagging to my mom. Every year, never fails, she expects it and loves it!!! Anyways back to me....I like to look back over the past year to see my growth -- or in some cases my downward spiral.

Looking back over this year I have done some personal inner and outer growth and finally became comfortable with what I want out of life. I have realized life is too short for the drama and games. I want the bigger picture of true life happiness.
I have taken a serious grasp on my health for my future well being - not only for myself but for Marcus. I want him growing up proud of his mother, knowing that I have done everything possible for a long happy healthy life. I am very proud of my accomplishments thus far and have no plans to give up now.
Some may say that my work can easily consume me and I would agree. I rather enjoy my work and take pride in such efforts in my career. I have been contemplating going back to school for a masters degree...still haven't fully decided what I want to be when I grow up. I should probably think about that soon before I have to be a full-time adult...lol

I look back over this year and I have watched Marcus grow up into a little man. I can't believe he is 4 & 1/2 now. He has accomplished so much in just his short life...kind of makes my last year irrevelant. I do know that I have gained patience and a strong sense of pride as a mother both learned from him. Life seems so simple thru the eyes of a child. His hugs to pick me up when I am sad, his kisses for my boo-boos, his laugh for what I thought was not so funny but starts a laughing addiction, his grasp to see and touch everything as he learns his world around him and last but not least his sparkle in his eye and everlasting smile for only me. That is what life is really about, in it's plainest, simplest form. I could ask for no more from my child.

Just like anyone, I hit my downs and times of sadness. My romantic life has been a bit of a roller coaster of emotions. Don't get me wrong - I like roller coasters but at some point everyone must get off the up and down ride. During my times of loneliness I can't help but think that maybe I'm not meant to share my life with another person. That makes me sad...why would I not be good enough to share my life? Why would someone else not want to share their life with me? I don't have the answers - duh...if I did then I would not have to ask the questions. lol

I have had a couple eye-opening experiences this year. I can only reflect on these and hope to use them to grow even more in the upcoming year. I need to open my lines of communication with a variety of people. I need to continue the path of moderation in all aspects of my life. I need to open my heart to those around me. I need to open my mind to a variety of views in life. I need to open my eyes to my surroundings. I am ready to take the leap of faith in making a better life for myself!!!

I have no regrets from my past year. It has been filled with lots of firsts and great everlasting memories. I am looking forward to my future. Not knowing what's in store for the year ahead - makes it even more exciting. I keep thinking about the new ABC show - "Flash Forward". If you were given the option to see your future 6 months from now for only a 2 minute glimpse - what would you do?? That is a tough one...what if it was a negative aspect in your future? You could take it as a warning and possibly change the course of your direction or what if it was something completely different than you would have ever dreamed of...do you sit and wait or worry about the possible change? I don't think I would like to see my future until the future becomes the present. No regrets on the past. Only dreams and hopes for the future. I am looking forward to a bright year at the ripe old age of 32 (ouch!!!)...lol