So Many Emotions

How many emotions can one person go thru in a week???
Let's count shall we?
Anger, sadness, lonliness, hurt, confusion, longing for more, happiness, excitement, joy, worry, scared, terrified, more sadness, more worry, conflict, resolution, self worth, confidence, more excitement, content, and finally peace.

I'm sure I have left some out but you get the idea. No one ever told me that being a grown up would this hard sometimes. I do think things happen for a reason (to some extent). We are given branches from the tree of life and it is up to us to tug that branch or break it off and keep going. I did lots of tugging this week.

I had to do some hard personal searching and listening. Forgivess and acceptance. Not easy to come by. I do believe I have done what I believe is right and just as I suspected...starting with leaving the past behind me was the most difficult. Already looking to the future and the light is bright!!!

Lots of sadness, worry and anger towards my grandmother. Why must she be so stubborn and just want to give up? Yes she is 73 but that doesn't mean she has to give up and want to leave her life. She has so much to look forward too...mainly watching Marcus grow up. It really hit me this morning after talking to her. She sounds awful but unfortunately she has brought it on herself. I am sad for her wanting to give up and die, mad at her for doing this and being selfish, and hurt knowing I would miss her if the worst were to happen. Good news so far with no immediate life threatening issues...just her stubborness and possible psychological issues and control on her part. It's difficult to think she is causing this hurt and stress on purpose. We will see what comes of the mental eval and then deal with that as necessary. I am very grateful to know that she is most likely not dying at this moment but am still concerned for her well being.

So now I find myself looking towards my future - very scary but exciting!!! I know in my heart I have my memories to take with me and my love to pass on.