I find myself so confused at this point in my life. Why is that I can't seem to know what I want. In so many aspects of my life and now affecting Marcus as well. There have been so many major life changes this past year as well to come this next year...I'm not sure if I am strong enough anymore. How am I suppose to raise Marcus as he deserves if I don't even know what is it that I deserve myself???
What direction am I to take and how far do I extend the selfish branch to get what I want out of life? So many choices, potential opportunities and falls. I have to be there for Marcus to pick him up when he falls but who is there for me? I don't mean that disrespectfully and I know I have family and friends but at the same time I feel as if so much is missing from my life. I can't help think (and dwell on) the "what-ifs."
I have been contemplating so many choices and have no idea what is right. I am so not getting that fuzzy feeling in my gut knowing that anything I am doing is right. So many back and forth thoughts and no clear path of moving forward.
I can only hope that the gray path I feel I am on becomes clear and soon! I don't do well in limbo world in regards to anything. I know life is a game but limbo is not my choice!!!!!
Jen, I completly understand. You are a very strong, independent woman and you must never forget that!! Why are you second guessing what you deserve? The "what-ifs" will only confuse you more. Embrace the now, and dont worry about tomorrow. I know that is hard, but it is the only way to live. If only I could take my own advice. :-)
ReplyDelete