My Life

Next chapter...

2011-04-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile but you know my motto...better late than never :)

3 weeks now on my new lifestyle change and I am loving it.

7 lbs lost and now walking 2 miles in 20 mins 5 days a week. I am working my way up to my FIRST EVER 5K walk on May 22nd. I am super psyched and know I can do this. I think back on previous years and knowing people that participated in these charity walk/run events and remember thinking I could never finish something like that. Now everyday the 5K finish is getting closer and closer.

For the first time since I can't even remember was I able to buy and WEAR a 14/16 top. Such a minimal thing for most people I am sure but a personal accomplishment I take pride in completing. I have never been a fan of shopping for clothes [for obvious reasons] but now this dislike continues but for a very different reason. I now have such a hard time knowing what size to even start trying on. Does it look too tight? Does it show too much curve? All such new areas of the clothing world for me.

Up on finishing my 5K one month from tomorrow, I will be awarding myself for a new bathing suit. The one I currently have is 3 years old and literally will not stay up on me. I'm hoping this will be a pleasant experience!

Here's to one week at a time...week 4 starting tomorrow!!

I have now hit a "Third of a Century"

2010-10-16T20:45:00.000-07:00

Sounds bad huh? Thank you to my mother for reminding me of this milestone.

I just re-read my blog from my birthday last year. It's amazing how true it became and fitting for my present day. This birthday was by far the BEST I have had in a long time. I am truely happy and in a better place in my life than I was this time a year ago. It's amazing how life seems to unravel so quickly then just like that can begin to fall into place on its own. Doors close and at the same time the right door opens. No forcing required.

I enjoyed taking some time out for myself. At the same time I treasured the excitement from Marcus - he loves birthdays of any kind for anyone! We celebrated with birthday ice cream after school. Any reason for him to have birthday cake ice cream...nasty!

Later than night I got the best gift of all...my dose of "honey". We went to dinner and ended up having a great evening and quiet dinner while Marcus lay asleep on the other booth bench. It was the best family dinner we have ever had - the best birthday gift he could have ever given me...lol

My day ended on the highest note possible and couldn't have been better. I truely am happy with my life and have the feeling of nothing but positive movement and gain in my future.

I thank you for all those who have taken part and made my life what it is today...the good, the bad and in between. If any of it were changed, my life would not be as is today and I wouldn't change a single thing!!

Howdy Folks, Welcome to the State Fair of Texas

2010-10-10T17:56:00.000-07:00

What a great day at the State Fair of Texas today! Tony had never been before and Marcus did great considering it was his first state fair visit as a big boy with no stroller, wagon, etc. He had his bad and whiney moments but overall did great.

We started off with walking around the fair grounds, the dog show, and the petting zoo. First year Marcus actually PET the animals in the petting zoo. It amazes me how he is so scared of the little cute animals and wants a pet Lion in his backyard. I fed an ostrich out of my hand - I am sure there was a warning not to do this but oh well.,..lol

And now on to The Midway!! Marcus was in heaven...what went the fastest and highest??? Marcus and I rode on the Tilt-a-Whirl and we both were felling sick...it's been awhile since I have been on one of those! Bumper cars & a dragon roller coaster with Tony topped off Midway. He was finally tall enough to go thru the crazy fun houses on his own...and he picked the one with a window maze...2 GOOD smacks into the glass windows and he started to get scared and tear up. Then here comes a cute little blonde girl to save the day and help him out. Lesson learned..."Men who cry get the girl!" lol I know I shouldn't have been laughing...but I couldn't help it! SMACK :)

Corn dogs, funnel cake and nachos - nothing better and worse at the same time! Not really interested in trying any of the FRIED foods - I will stick to the usuals - why mess with perfection? Visit to Big Tex and again no tears around him for the first time.

Used up all the coupons and no major meltdowns. Sun was out but the weather was great. Couldn't have been a better Fair Day experience!!!

Memories

2010-09-25T20:54:00.000-07:00

I sit here going thru 5+ years of photos and this is one of the most rewarding yet most difficult things I have done. Looking for photos of my grandmother who for my entire life hid from the camera. It is a known fact that after we lose our loved ones, all we are left with are memories. Why must it be so hard to have photo memories too? Does she regret shying away from the camera? We will be left with our internal memories and a few pictures managed to be snapped.

I find myself in a wierd mood, somber even...knowing that this will be a duplicate effort in the future as well and I am making it my goal now to make this easier the next time around. I know we should not rely on photos for our loved ones memories but I don't know what else to do for my 5 year old who is quickly forgetting. He will never forget her love, and hugs, and kisses but her picture is quickly fading in his mind. I don't want it to happen this fast.

I am trying to give Marcus something real to hold onto as he grows up and I am no longer going to be nice about not taking pictures. Camera, set, GO!!!!

Letter Challenge -- My Best Friend

2010-09-22T20:49:00.000-07:00

What defines a best friend?

I believe that friends come into your life for a variety of reasons or just certain time periods. People are drawn to others just as they drift apart. It's not healthy to maintain only 1 or 2 close friendships throughout your life. We all need the stimulation and companionship from a variety of people during our lifetime.

To me a best friend is a confident, caring, honest, trustworthy, sincere, respectful, and loving person. You can and want to share your life with this person - the good the bad and the ugly. You have nothing to hide nor fear from this person. You want to be a better person because of them. Simply put, your best friend should bring out the best of you while aiming to improve the worst of you.

At this point in my life, I find myself in an unfamiliar place. I have always thought of my best friend as that close girl in my life but more times than not this person has not existed.

Instead I find myself in a cherished relationship with my best friend. I always wanted to fall in love with my best friend and I can honestly say that none of my past relationships have held up to this definition in my heart. I thank you for all you are, all you do, and most importantly for making me want to be a better person for knowing you.

From 14...5

2010-09-22T20:30:00.000-07:00

Just like that my baby boy turns 5, starts Kindergarten and my time with him gets cut from 14 hours a day to only 5. It is so wierd not being surrounded by him so much now. I have way too much quiet time for my thoughts and voices. Way too scary!

I find myself entering new territory after 5 years. Now to those with multiple children I am sure like this seems like no big deal but I went from a world all about me to a world all about my son and now I am finding myself with a balancing act. Why should it be one or the other? There should be a fair balance for both myself and my son. I finally feel like I am achieving this.

I am enjoying our new surroundings and even making some new friends. We both are actually.

Marcus enjoyed his first new friend over last week and today he went to his first after school playdate at his new friend's house. I walked up to the school to pick him up and came home with a backpack but no Marcus. He kept on walking with his buddy yelling bye mom down the sidewalk. I enjoy having friends in the neighborhood!

So I went over to pick him up and we ended up going to dinner with them and meeting another school friend there as well. I finally got him to myself from 7-8 before bedtime :( Tomorrow night is a family nite picnic at school...let's see if he talks to me then....afterall I can hope, right?

Mean Mom

2010-09-14T20:01:00.000-07:00

I feel like the worst mom ever tonight...I sent Marcus to bed with no dinner but it was partly his own choice. 3 green beans on his plate and WW3 broke out in my kitchen. Tears, screams, and full blown tantrum.

Not only would he not take a single bite but he refused to eat anything cuz the green beans were on the same plate. He chose to go bed - shower and straight to bed at 715, no tv, no light, no toys. Maybe a couple more nights of this and he will be willing to take a bite. I am sure he will be wanting breakfast in the morning...I feel green beans and cereal coming on. lol

I have always said from day one, my son would never go to bed hungry. I would do whatever I had to do in life to provide him with food...even taking it off of my plate. I know this is not the same thing but it still hurt. It hurts me even more seeing him act like this over a simple vegetable. I wish I could just set down a plate of food and he would eat it. I don't want him growing up unwilling to try new foods or eat a well balanced meal. I want so much for him to grow healthy in all aspects, especially his diet. I don't want him to have the struggles I have faced - no parent wants that for their child. Why must he fight so hard against this?

I am going to be more consistent on offering the foods every night at dinner and maybe he will just give up and surprise me one day! I can only hope :)

Labor Day Weekend minus the LABOR!!!!

2010-09-06T19:15:00.000-07:00

So sad...it's over...what great Labor Day weekend!!!

Started off Saturday headed to my moms. Marcus was super excited to see Granny since it had been since July 4th. Lots of new things to show and talk with Granny about. Plus he was looking forward to some "Superhero" talk with Papa Joe and Uncle Micheal.

We managed to squeeze in a little ghost town and some end of the summer swimming. I even took an afternoon nap...that is not an often occurrence :) Dinner at a small country owned place with awesome catfish and fried pickles!!!

Sunday I got to sleep in and got a great surprise from my honey - an opportunity to sneak away to San Antonio for just some "us" time! It was a WIN-WIN for us and for my mom and Marcus. Shouldn't every grandson have some quality alone time with his granny? I totally think so!

So off to SA I went!!!

We had a great lunch complete with offering the leftovers to a homeless guy...my guy is so generous! Followed up with some hotel relaxation then got ready for the night out. Headed downtown to take in Ripley's Haunted House....left scared shitless!!! Wax museum, Guiness World Records Museum, Alamo, Riverwalk, and topped off the nite at a bar! We had a great time just walking around and hanging out together. Little mini-vaca...definitely need a longer one together now!

Headed back home Monday, stopped to pick up Marcus and then the long drive home. Holiday weekends are great until you get to the drive home. Add some off and on rain, with "lovely" Texas drivers [please note sarcasm] and a 3 hour trip takes 4.5 hours. Thank goodness Marcus was in a much better mood today - we had lots to talk about since we hadn't seen each other in 24 hours. I got both earfuls! lol

Home, somewhat unpacked, in bed and geared up for a short week!

Hope everyone had a great well deserved rested holiday weekend too.

30 Day Letter Challenge

2010-09-01T20:25:00.000-07:00

My new self challenge was totally stolen from a couple other people I have seen doing this already. It seems quite interesting and possibly even probing into myself some more!!!

So here it is...feel free to steal just as I have and stay tuned.

The 30 Day Letter Challenge

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 -- Your Best Friend
Day 2 -- Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Nearing the end...

2010-08-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

Ok so I will be the first to admit that life has definitely gotten in the way of my daily journal for the month of August. I started of strong and tried to keep up with it...not for lack of thoughts or material but time. Not really a good excuse but it's the best I got. lol

This morning was rather smooth for school following the 1st weekend. Just a little threatening with no afternoon cartoons if there was arguing or whining in the morning. Basically, the rule is "If you don't do what you are suppose to do in the morning, then you don't get to do what you want to do in the afternoon!" Marcus finally brought home some worksheets from last week - actual hard paper proof that the first week was not all fun and games and snow cones...lol

Today I started back on my health kick routine and it felt great. I must say that after a few months lag time it was easier than I thought to get back on track... right down to my food journaling. I have also added the walking to and from school - hey every step counts, right? My company is really striving to improve the overall Wellness of it's employees and I must say it is a positive thing. They offer a variety of live and online wellness informational sessions, medical benefit incentives, cash reimbursements for gym memberships/weight loss programs, flu shot expenses, and raffles/prizes for participation. Of course the financial impact of ill employees is a major driving factor, however, they could raise our benefit premiums and throw their hands up. They don't have to go these extra miles. I am proud to work for a company that takes so much pride in their employees overall well being. After all health happy people are more productive.

Good luck everyone!

BTW- sleep should be a big part of your wellness goals...I should probably get to bed myself!

Stay tuned tomorrow for my next self challenge...

Big day for my car

2010-08-29T18:36:00.001-07:00

I have finally got my garage cleaned out enough to put my car in it on a daily basis. So exciting since my car has never had a garage to call its own. It wouldn't be the big shabang without a complete car wash too. So Marcus and I washed the car then in the garage it will be! It will be so nice to not get drenched just walking to the car in the rain and it will help during the winter months too with the cold and ice. It only felt appropriate since 1/3 of my car is brand new -- I kinda have that new car attitude on keeping it nice...lol

Tomorrow also starts my weight loss and exercise routine again. I am starting Alli again as I have had great success with this program already in the past. I need a jump start to get out of my current rut. As a final sign off tonight for bedtime snack we had Oreos and milk!!! My fridge is stalked with fresh fruit and veggies and healthy snacks. Ready set go :)

One more week of work then a long weekend in Austin my mommy! Marcus is super excited since it has been a couple months now. He is missing his granny :)

Here's to a fast week and more positive reactions to school!

My fears of the school year already.

2010-08-27T22:02:00.000-07:00

Will he make friends?
Will he be nice and respectful?
Will he get bullied?
Will he stand up for himself?
Will he be bored?
Will he excel?
Will he have fun?
Will he make memories?
Will he enjoy himself?
Will he get lost in the building?
Will he go poop at school?????
Will he get in trouble?]
Will he cry?
Will he throw a tantrum? [I am hoping those are saved for me only lol]
Will he be a teacher's pet?
Will he help others?
Will he ask questions if he needs help?
Will he be assertive in class?
Will he try his hardest every day?
Will he know how proud I am of him???

And finally, I hope he doesn't become a natural in the principal's office.

Funny incident from this morning...

Walking up to the school the principal says 'Good morning, have a great day Marcus."

Now I ask, why does the principal know your name the first week of school?

Well mommy, I have been to her office.

What?? Why were you in her office already?

Well the whole class got to go.

At least I felt better it was not a bad thing then.

After talking to the principal, she said that all the Kindergarten classes take a tour of the school and visit her office so she can tell them what she does and meet them.

Wheeewwww...close call!

Whewwwwwww

2010-08-27T21:46:00.000-07:00

Whewww - we made it. The first week of school and a new routine!

All in all it went very well and Marcus had a great first week of Kindergarten. It feels good to get up and out of the house every morning...I may actually miss the cool morning walk tomorrow but I am going to be selfish and choose sleep! We walked to and from school every day except Wed morning due to the downpouring rain and even snuck(is that a real word?) in an extra walk to the school for PTA ice cream Thursday evening. Just after this one week I am feeling better and more energized from the extra activity.

I have also gone back to the gym - 4 times a week starting Monday. It was amazing how I missed it once I was there and on the eliptical. The new location is so much better with your own tv/radio on each and every cardio machine. I just have to remember my ear phones!

The weather has been great these past couple of days - fall is creeping in and I will welcome it with open arms!!!! I love this time of the year :)

I also got my car back a few days ago and officially taken it on it's first drive to Mesquite tonight. Felt a little wierd but we made it safely and it drives so much better...kinda of surprising how an accident can be a somewhat good thing...sure a NEW car would have been even better but I can't complain.

Well I should get some sleep or at least finish up a couple of things to start aiming for sleep!

Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite :) Good night.

Check out our other blogs!

2010-08-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

If you follow this blog then please feel free to follow these other blogs as well.

http://journeythrukindergarten.blogspot.com

http://imreadywatchout/blogspot.com

Time well spent.....

2010-08-22T19:18:00.000-07:00

Nothing like a weekend full of rest, lounging and relaxation to rejuvenate for you for the week to come. This is going to be a crazy week - getting into the school thing and new routine. Chillin' all weekend with my 2 favorite guys...it couldn't have been better! The weekdays are so crazy busy and nonstop it feels so good to not do a darn thing for a day or so.

I am a well rested woman of little words tonight! Good night!!!

Meet The Teacher

2010-08-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

Well we did it...first steps into Kindergarten. Walking up to the school Marcus was asking all kinds of questions and finally said "well, I am a little nervous." I was waiting for it sometime over the next couple days. He quickly got over it and walked right thru the front doors asking how to get to Kindergarten...lol

We found his room and met Ms. Kennedy. She is super sweet and had several past students coming in to say Hi. That's a good sign right? I mean if no one liked her they sure wouldn't come back to visit. Marcus went up to her and introduced himself then started taking it all in. The classroom had so much new stuff in it. He had to do a couple things for room decor then we went into the cafeteria for the PTA stuff! Wrote my 1st check to the NorthRich PTA then off to some fun outside with the bounce houses. Marcus had a blast and is even more excited now that it all seems real.

No tears yet, just happiness and joy! Check back Monday - I am sure this will change...lol

I hope everyone else has had some great back to school moments already!!! This year will be over before we know it :)

Tissues Anyone?

2010-08-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

I lay in bed thinking about my bitter sweet tomorrow. Friday Aug 20, the last full day [outside of public school holidays] that Marcus will be home with me during the day. I know he is ready for Monday but am I? Am I ready to let him go full time - 5 days a week all day? Who will hear me talking to myself and come in running asking "What is wrong Mommy?". No more..."Mommy, I need a snack or drink." No more 9 or 930am sleepy voice "Mommy, come get me awake!" I feel the tears already.

I know I have to release him in the world but it's scary....the world is a scary place :(

I can only have faith in myself and him that I have done all I can do to this point for him to be able to enter the world and begin to make his own decisions, make his own friends, further develop his personality, ask the big and important questions, and last but not least break a few hearts.

Come Monday, all will be quiet and lonely...except for my tears and sniffles!

Welcome to RISD

2010-08-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

It's official....Marcus got his first letter from RISD today, welcoming him to Kindergarten.

His teacher will be Ms. Kennedy in room 5 -- he loves number 5 so even better :)

Friday is "Meet the Teacher" and he is all ready to go with his school supplies and check out his new classroom. He is excited to meet new friends. He has been diligently practicing over the summer and should have no problem easing into the work. I have complete faith in him and know that he does not give up easily.

With the letter I got the daily drop off and pick up routine outlined...complete with a hug zone before letting the kids go into the building. For the first week, we can walk him into class then it's the hug zone and he has to walk in like a big boy. He was already used to this in Pre-K...dumping off at the door and he would go into his class. He already wants me to come and have lunch with him...we'll see how long that lasts! LOL

We are ready for Kindergarten!!!!

Surreal

2010-08-15T12:00:00.001-07:00

My life is so surreal right now....it feels like I am watching a movie play edited scenes of my reality. Every day I am realizing more and more how fast my baby is growing up right before my eyes. One minute he was this helpless little boy and now he is losing his first tooth, picking out school clothes, making his own lunch, and going to Kindergarten.

This is his last week as a preschooler...his last Sunday night to stay up late and sleep in on Monday...even though he probably shouldn't. I can't help but want to give him all the free time he will have for the rest of his life. He has no idea how his life is about to change, how he is going to be growing up on his own, developing his own preferences out in the big world.

Marcus lost his first tooth this morning and for a split second I said "We have to call nana and granny." Not even realizing as I said it, but once I heard the words out loud...surreal.

Another major milestone without our Nana but we know she was watching down on us and was so happy and proud of Marcus. Can angels chip in on the tooth fairy's contribution too? lol

Life is a funny thing...you may not realize how perfect your life is while you are living it but when you get the chance to sit back and look in as an outsider...it's AWESOME! I have been having some dreams lately, as myself looking back on my life and some of the bigger moments. Of course we all have things we probably would have done differently but all it would have taken is one alteration and life as you know it would not exist. I truely am happy at this point in my life...not necessarily where I thought I would have been a year ago, but in a much better place in my opinion. Just goes to prove that we always don't know what is best for us. We need to sit back, buckle in, and hold on for the ride of our life. No maps or navigation just faith, hope and dreams.

Friday the 13th!!!

2010-08-14T12:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday definitely held up to it's name! Friday the 13th.....complete twilight zone!!!

Thankfully nothing to dangerous happened but still was a not so good day.

On a good note, we noticed that Marcus has his first loose tooth! At 5 years old only...I thought there was still another year before this milestone...Guess not. The tooth fairy better get on it and be on the look out! He is headed to the dentist this week for a scheduled cleaning and to get the briefing on loosing your teeth.

Looks like our car is being repaired at $6500...most likely will be about 10 days to complete, assuming nothing else is found during the repairs. Thanks to my knight in shining armor this past week. I am such a lucky girl to have him in my life.

Still shaky on the whole driving thing...only done in a handful times this past week and I am just fine with that. I have no desire to drive anywhere especially today at 7pm...my one week freak-out. I am entitled right?

Got lots of needed stuff done today and now its time to relax with my 2 favorite boys!

Have a great Saturday :)

What a week!!!!

2010-08-12T19:59:00.000-07:00

So I know I have slacked the past few days on my blog but I am sticking to my reason for the difference of the time zones in Pittsburgh.

It was a productive few days in the office...not a phrase I get to say but yes "in the office." It was good to see everyone again. I loved the cooler heat waved up that way. Only 90 degrees and woke up to the low 70s....awwww it was great! Got so cold in my hotel room I had to turn off the AC - how I do miss it already. The entire plane moaned when the pilot mentioned triple digit heat at DFW during take off.

But at last it was time to head back home and see my little man. 3 days is too long sometimes...then others not enough...lol He was ready to come home but apparently worried how he was going to get back since Mommy didn't have car anymore. He asked Gabby if she knew how to get to our house so he could get back home. Never fear...he got home!!!

Car situation sucks but it is getting worked out and all will be fine! Thanks to my knight in shining armor, we are not completely without a vehicle for the next week. It's amazing what truely generous people do for others and ask nothing in return. I am so lucky and grateful to have someone like this in my life. The tough times are made so much better by that special someone.

Well it has been a crazy week and still got one more day to go...I should get a few things done for work then hit the pillow for some shut eye! Sweet dreams to all.

Waking up in 70 degrees!!!

2010-08-09T04:40:00.000-07:00

Ah...how I have missed these cool temps. I am loving it here in Pittsburgh....I don't wanna go back t to the 100+ heat in Texas.

I was wondering how long it would be before I missed my first daily blog - I made it 8 days :) But in my own defense I did loose an hour yesterday in flight to PGH so that would have been my hour to blog!! Does that work for you?

Yesterday, the day after my car accident and I sat in the passenger seat cringing watching a couple near misses on the freeway. I am not used to feeling this vulnerable. It was my first nervous trip here...things were just feeling all wrong with the flight...first our gate was changed due to mechanical failures then once at the new gate our plane was changed...what was going to happen next? But when it was all said and done we landed safely and I even managed to make a safe drive to the hotel.

Considering everything that has happened this weekend I woke up quite refreshed this morning. I got some sleep last night amongst the all too real vivid replays in my mind. Hopefully they should diminish but it does reaffirm our limited time here. Why was the choice made to save our lives? Why were there at that exact moment in time???

I'm off for some breakfast and headed to the office...I just like saying that since it it all too rare for me!!!!

Have a great day and be safe :)

Gone from great to sucks in 8 hours....

2010-08-07T22:15:00.000-07:00

Today started out great...waking up in the best set of arms ever!

I took Marcus swimming at a local pool for a few hours - no additional sun burn for me thank goodness. Then we came home to get cleaned up and were going to eat dinner, some shopping and had to do laundry and get packed for this week. Left the house to eat dinner - left there to head to the store....and whaaaaaa baaaaaammmmm! Suddenly my car is at a dead stop and I am in a T-Bone position with an Acura. My green baby got badly hurt but Thank God life was chosen over cars. No one was hurt besides just shaken up. Considering it was an accident there was no confrontation or yelling...everyone involved was very polite and concerned with Marcus's safety. Witnesses came over from across the street, brought out water and stayed with us the whole time. I had my car towed to my house for now and the other car was driven off. It could have been so much worse. A car is a car and somehow I will manage to get the money to get it fixed but if one of us had been seriously hurt...or Marcus...I can't even imagine.

Marcus has finally gone to sleep and I will be soon enough I am sure -- after we watch Jersey Shore and I get my addiction fix for the week :)

What a Friday!

2010-08-06T20:04:00.000-07:00

Today started out quite productive for a Friday! This evening I took Marcus to see Shrek The Final Chapter since we had yet to see it. Better late than never I guess. We liked it but it seemed to have quite a bit adult humor and references that Marcus didn't understand. He still enjoyed it but he said his favorite part was eating the hotdog in the bun with ketchup...and popcorn. What a dinner!! lol

I got the last missing items for school...baggies, underwear and socks. He is finally all set and found some approved underwear to meet Sir Marcus's superhero standards...lol

Marcus asked to keep taking soccer so I signed him this evening for Fall thru Richardson. Now we just got to get his gear. At least it will be cooler come end of September. I hope he enjoys it.

I was suppose to come home and make fish and rice for dinner but that has been postponed due to a delayed flight and a long drive home from OK. Sorry dear....wishing you were here instead...my feet miss u...lol

I am gonna chill now and catch up some tv!!

Not sure what tomorrow will bring but then come Sunday I am on my way to Pittsburgh for a few days...I am seriously hoping that the 100+ heat doesn't follow me!

Fun in the Sun

2010-08-05T20:11:00.001-07:00

After a busy morning of work we went to Surf-n-Swim this afternoon with some friends and had a BLAST. I will even have the pain tomorrow to prove it...lol

Marcus just took off in the waves even out in the 6+ feet water with his vest on floating out in the waves. This was really the 1st time we both just laid there relaxing in the waves. I felt confident enough to relax some and he actually truely enjoyed the waves for the first time! All our friends left and we hung out in the waves for another 45 minutes...just floating and talking. It amazes me of his conversations sometimes. I have come to adore the young boy growing before my eyes with his expanding mind, personality, and curiousity.

Straight from the water to the last night of VBS. Marcus was so tired but quickly got his second wind and had another great night with his buddies. I am so tired and worn out, my legs are sore from fighting the waves, and my back is sunburned. After all this I wouldn't have changed any of it! I swear I am going to find a way to drain the excess energy from him and pump into my veins...this day and time in technology there has to be a way!!!! Wish me luck.

Whewwww...

2010-08-04T20:43:00.000-07:00

OK - not sure if it is because of VBS this week and the late nights out or what but this week is dragging by. It has kind of sucked not being home every night this week but Marcus has enjoyed his much overdue time with old friends. It makes me so happy to see him genuinely happy and having a good time.

I swear just these few days of driving in rush hour evening traffic has nearly driven me crazy! Apparently it has been way too long since I have had to encounter this on a regular basis. Needless to say it has not been missed at all.

Of course I pick a day during the week of the hottest heat waves this summer to hang out at a local water park. But we are looking forward to an afternoon of fun in the sun again tomorrow (my sunburn is all clear and ready to be renewed tomorrow lol) It will be good to be with old friends too. Marcus wants to try his underwater skills in deep water with the waves.

I hope everyone is staying cool and enjoying these last few weeks of summer!!

Reality TV

2010-08-03T20:11:00.000-07:00

So here's my pish posh on my self-admitted addiction....Reality TV

What in the world did we watch 10 years ago before reality tv? I remember the first episode of Real World on MTV and I was amazed how people would put themselves on national tv like that. Now a days another reality tv star is the norm. What makes them so addicting? We know they are not 100% real tv but still tune in every week. Is that we see a piece of ourselves thru the tv or enjoy the many self-induced stunts and laughs from them? The daily dramas keep pulling us in. Whatever the reason may be it seems that our entertainment standards have surpassed the talented stars and can suffice on mediocre scripts and contests. I feel for those in the industry who can truely transform a character into something magical on the screen.

There are so many different reality tv shows on today...it's a wonder of what they will come out with next.

Even with all this, I can't seem to turn away. I have to turn in each week to see who will do something stupid and create the drama!!! Stay tuned...

3 weeks

2010-08-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

Wow 3 weeks from today and we will be discussing our 1st day of Kindergarten. I am so excited...new people and the best of all - refresher courses from elementary school. Considering it has been 25+ years since I walked thru a set of those doors I have alot of refreshing to do!

[dang that makes me feel so darn old.....more than a quarter of a century ago I was in my son's place starting kindergarten...well if I wasn't depressed already that has done it]

Well on a positive note, Marcus is so frickin excited to start Kindergarten. I just hope this excitements keeps going past the 3rd day of getting up at 630am! We are actually starting to work on the new timing routine and get adjusted to earlier bedtimes this week. Hopefully he will be a pleasant boy come the first day of school that early in the morning. I have high hopes!!!

We have pretty much everything for school - just a few last minute things to do.

Hopefully you are starting to prepare yourself!

That's all for tonight.

Good night...more tomorrow :)

Ready...set...go

2010-08-01T20:18:00.001-07:00

Day 1 of August 2010

Day 1 of my monthly blogging...

So not a productive first day of this month but so wonderful at the same time.

I have come to the realization that my body has been in shut down mode for the past few Sundays. I have no momentum nor desire to do anything on Sundays. The one day of the week I have been able to sleep and relax so apparently I took advantage of that! Can't say I blame myself...lol

Marcus has finished instructional soccer and loved it so now he wants to play for the fall season. He also wants to play basketball come winter season...should be lots of fun and busy!

Swim lessons are over and he learned so much so now we are going to squeeze in as much swimming as we can and hopefully he will keep up his skills over the winter.

Hopefully I can squeeze in a few more Sundays to shut down!!!

Daily Blogs....

2010-07-28T18:30:00.000-07:00

I used to blog/write more often and I have been missing it. It really is a great personal outlet for so many things circling around in my head. At least when I put them on paper, the thoughts don't talk back as they do in my head :)

For the month of August I am going to commit to a daily blog journal of some sort....yikes!!!

It should be interesting or just alot of boring rambling...No promises here!

We are also starting a new blog from the point of view of Marcus as he embarks on his new journey. He has his own thoughts as well and who doesn't love the sayings of a 5 year old???

Stay tuned!!!

My little fish…

2010-07-28T18:25:00.000-07:00

Wow – what a couple weeks in daily swim lessons does for a kid. Marcus has loved his swim lessons and has learned so much. He has become so much more comfortable in the water. He has never been afraid of the water but now is even more natural. Swimming both on top and under water, holding his breath even longer, going deeper under water, and even learning to float.

He really loves swimming and is already not wanting to stop for the winter. Hopefully he will keep this up and maybe in a couple years take up swim meets! I think swimming would be the only summer outdoor sport he would stick out full time...afterall he is not friends with the summer heat...but the pool makes it all better!

Keep up the great work my little fish :)

Summer Update

2010-07-16T21:04:00.001-07:00

Wow...Here we are smack dab in the middle of July already. Where has the summer gone. Can you believe I have seen Halloween decorations out already??? Crazy!!!

It has been a great summer so far. Marcus has enjoyed his back yard, well except for the mosquitos, sun and heat...lol

We have done some swimming, Marcus has played TBall and now into soccer. He is enjoying soccer much more than TBall but he really wants to play basketball so come winter season we will give that a shot. He starts swimming lessons next week is super excited to go swimming every single day!

Still got lots planned for the rest of summer and lots to do before school starts. We did get a start tonight and got most of Marcus's school supplied and new Batman backpack! He is so excited for Kindergarten, which I am grateful for but just wait til he realizes he has to wake up early every day...LOL

We hope everyone is enjoying their summer and staying cool!!!!!!!!!

Goodbye...Hello...

2010-06-05T19:19:00.001-07:00

I wrote this last Friday...

Today, this day, we say Goodbye.
Goodbye to the life as we know it.
Goodbye to preschool and a little boy.
Goodbye to our friends and familar faces / places.

Today, this day, we say Hello.
Hello to a new home with new surroundings.
Hello to a new school and friends.
Hello to my young boy who will be embarking on a new journey.
And finally Hello to Marcus's own backyard!!!

I am so proud of my son today as he goes thru this accomplishment of life. So many more to come but he must begin somewhere. I truely am grateful and proud to be his mommy. Now hand me a tissue...

First Week

2010-06-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

What a week. Marcus officially became a Kindergartener (is that really a word?) and loved his new scholol, we moved and I have completely unpacked our new place in exactly 1 week! We also managed to throw in some swimming, shopping, a zoo visit, and a trip to our new library. Needless to say I am exhausted and haven't had much sleep. I now need a vacation to relax...not going to happen!

We are loving the new place...it's even better uncluttered and box FREE. Marcus likes his bigger room and even his closet now since I fixed it to where he could actually reach his clothes! Plus he is an adult kid (his words) since he now has real tv and a remote in his room. "Mommy, I can pause and record my own stuff!" This can't be healthy from a 5 year old :(

Marcus is loving his backyard complete with a swimming pool at his leisure (thanks Granny)!
I must say though it is a little wierd finding new things and not knowing where is everything is on the back of your hand. It's been nearly 10 years since I went thru this kind of change so it's quite an adjustment but I am learning!

First full weekend at the new place entailed a bright and early wake up call to leave the house at 815am to head to Mesquite for T-Ball. What the heck was I thinking???

Thanks again to everyone who has helped out this past week!!! We truely appreciate it :)

My Graduate

2010-05-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

The time has come....Pre-K Graduation!!!
Wow...I can't believe it's here already. Such an achievement and milestone. Just another notch in Marcus's education belt buckle. Just the beginning...he has come so far but yet so far to go.

Marcus has really enjoyed his time at Academy Kids. We both have made friends and lots of memories. So many fun times...we are going to miss it!

Marcus has grown so much these past few years. I remember walking him in the doors his first day..crying for mommy but then at the end of the day not wanting to leave. He loved it after just one day. Learning to play with others, new words, colors, shapes, ABCs, counting, all the way to writing his complete name and phonics. His teachers have been wonderful. Each one was a joy and blessing. He has had his favorites along the way and still talks about them to this day. Year by year he has grown more independent and building his own personality. Everyone involved to this point has contributed in one way or another. He would not be the same if those encounters had been missed.

I am so excited to see how he transforms this next year. He will work parts of his brain he has never used before. He will be open to all new friendships and memories. He is going to do great just as he has done already.

Tomorrow is a day of joy with an undertone of sadness. I am losing my baby and gaining a young boy who heads off into the world with a new sense of independence and knowledge. As if the gradutation isn't enough, we head straight to enroll him in Kindergarten. All in one day...can anyone say TISSUES!!!!!

Way to go Marcus! I am so proud of your accomplishments.

Getting ready...

2010-05-18T21:22:00.000-07:00

Security deposit paid, boxes packed and taped, new home decor bought and House Warming party set to share it with everyone! We are getting ready for the big move.

It's amazing how much one person can accumulate in 4 years. You don't realize the number of hiding places in a 2 bedroom apartment until you have to physically remove the crap from each of those hiding places. This is will be the first move for Marcus that he will realize what's going on. We have lived here since he was 18months old so he had no concept of the change back then. Now, however, he is making sure we are taking everything and I mean everything. He has been surprisingly helpful with the packing process..if you consider helpful to be stacking empty boxes as a castle then plowing them over with his scooter. And there was the tape incident...enough said! He also had to use the last of a tape roll to make his War Machine costume...again enough said!!

He has started having trouble sleeping in his room so I imagine the anxiety is building of the new place. I am expecting there to be adjustment changes - just hopefully all will be smooth again by the time August rolls around for school.

On top of the move, Marcus is graduating Pre-K...WOW -- how did we get here already? It forever seemed for far away and now we have a 10 day countdown...9...8...7...EEEEEkkkkk

It's going to be a change, leaving his school friends with Pre-K ending and moving all in the same day...literally! I know he's strong and this really is a move for the good! We will be back in Mesquite throughout the summer for sports and swimming. We still have to go check out his new school next week and register for Kindergarten. He's looking forward to it...it's me who will need the adjustment for that...lol

Getting down to the wire on this life chapter and starting the next...

Life is...

2010-05-18T21:20:00.000-07:00

Life is short.

Life is unknown.

Life is scary.

Life is taking risks with only hope lying in the background.

Life is full of happiness.

Life is spreading joy and kindness.

Life is sincere.

Life is respecting one another.

Life is full of dreams.

Life is making memories.

Life is sharing the good and the bad.

Life is…love.

Love is life.

You can’t have one without the other.

Love is all around whether you choose to surrender to it or not.

Fitting together...

2010-04-28T22:58:00.000-07:00

Just a "Thank You" for all who have kept me up and full of support. Life is suddenly fitting together like a puzzle...got all the edge pieces just some missing middle ones...and you know how I like the middle!

Marcus' birthday party was a success - he talked about it for days and everyone seemed to have so much fun. Traveling for awhile has calmed down and now on to bigger and better things...
I am excited for this next chapter in our lives. Almost to good to be true...and you know what that means? lol We are moving to Richardson which will be a change after living in Mesquite for nearly 9 years. Will take some getting used to but I am looking forward to it. Marcus is super excited for his 1st backyard to call his own...he is saving his money to buy backyard toys and wants to put his bed out there...too bad he doesn't realize Texas heat in the summer...that won't be happening! lol That would give me even more space with his room outside..too bad I can't pull it off.
Stay tuned....

I don't want to grow up....

2010-04-07T23:03:00.000-07:00

I find myself so confused at this point in my life. Why is that I can't seem to know what I want. In so many aspects of my life and now affecting Marcus as well. There have been so many major life changes this past year as well to come this next year...I'm not sure if I am strong enough anymore. How am I suppose to raise Marcus as he deserves if I don't even know what is it that I deserve myself???
What direction am I to take and how far do I extend the selfish branch to get what I want out of life? So many choices, potential opportunities and falls. I have to be there for Marcus to pick him up when he falls but who is there for me? I don't mean that disrespectfully and I know I have family and friends but at the same time I feel as if so much is missing from my life. I can't help think (and dwell on) the "what-ifs."
I have been contemplating so many choices and have no idea what is right. I am so not getting that fuzzy feeling in my gut knowing that anything I am doing is right. So many back and forth thoughts and no clear path of moving forward.
I can only hope that the gray path I feel I am on becomes clear and soon! I don't do well in limbo world in regards to anything. I know life is a game but limbo is not my choice!!!!!

Do I really have a 5 year old?

2010-04-07T22:17:00.000-07:00

Do I really have a 5 year old? I can't believe it...seriously a 5 year old....not a newborn or toddler or a preschooler but a 5 year old and getting ready for Kindergarten...how did this happen????

It is crazy how fast it goes by. Seems like yesterday when we came home and had no idea how to deal with each other. I'm glad to see much hasn't changed...lol
He has learned so much and continues to surprise me everyday. It has come to the point where he just does so much on his own...makes me realize that he is needing me less and less each day. Come August he will be on his own even more. I have complete faith in him and I know that he will do great in the future but I can't help to want him to stay little forever....well maybe not forever....lol

I am looking forward to the next year of new experiences, achievements, and even sorrows. Marcus has grown so much and matured this past year. I am sure by no choice of his own but he has had to endure quite a lot this past year and I couldn't be more proud.
Here's to the next year of "who knows what is going to happen"!!!!

Roadtrip to Arizona

2010-04-04T20:04:00.000-07:00

We embarked on a new journey to Arizona. Bound for the desert and mountains…new sights and scenery for Marcus. Lots of family to catch up with and introduce Marcus to.

I tried my best to explain to Marcus the length of the drive and to my surprise he did excellent and had a blast hanging out in the backseat. We made one last stop for gas around 1am and Marcus’ only demand was a milkshake from Whataburger…lol Marcus experienced his first overnight sleep over in the car…and even at a truck stop for a few hours. He woke up saying his booty was hurting so he crawled up in the front seat and laid on top of me for another couple hours. Comfy cozy and right back to sleep he went.

Finally, we made it out of Texas and into New Mexico just after dawn. The mountains were great and Marcus enjoyed looking at them…saying I wished I lived in a mountain! We zipped thru New Mexico and into Arizona!!! 24 hours later we got to our family’s house. It was so good to see everyone and get out of the car!

Lots of fun activities planned -- Goldfield Ghosttown, the Grand Canyon, African Wildlife Safari, and a birthday celebration with lots of extended family. I could have never expected Marcus to do as well in the car as he did. He keeps surprising me everyday. We had a great time at the ghosttown - Marcus's favorite part was riding in the back of a pick-up truck after the train broke and we got a ride back to the town site. Next day we took Marcus to the Big Hole in the ground (aka...The Grand Canyon). After a windy day and picnic by the snow, we left with Marcus still asking "Where was the Big Hole?" We just laughed and realized we may not have explained it that well...lol

On the way home from the GC, my cousin and I found Bedrock City - complete with the Flintstones!!! We were so excited to hang out in Bedrock with the whole gang!! Wed was a early birthday celebration in Africa for Marcus. He was surprised and so excited to see the animals. We had a blast with the animals and close-up encounters. Marcus was fascinated that there was a lion cub and white tiger in the same habitat. He could of stayed there forever watching them. The long day was over after feeding a giraffe and tiger, complete with early birthday presents from the gift shop.

I was so glad to get Marcus out to this part of the country - for the scenic views and extended family visits. Definitely made me realize that life is short and this visit was way overdue. He got to experience his 5th birthday with lots of family and hopefully life long memories for all. He did so great for the entire trip and made me so proud.

Where did my baby go???

2010-03-13T23:45:00.000-08:00

These past couple of weeks Have flown by with so much going on but even in the midst of all the busy times, I have stopped to notice my little boy slipping away....into a young man.
He has grown up and matured so much these past few months it's crazy. I can't believe he is going to be 5 years old. It has been such a long journey but at the same time it seems as if it has flown by.
He has his own opinions from what to wear to his hair to his opinions about how things should work. He came home from PreK telling me that one of the other boys' mom was HOT...what is that about? Do I need to have "that talk" with him already? He has girls fighting over him to get married already and he can now buckle himself in the car. He doens't need me anymore...well except for his trips to Walmart...lol
These next few months are going to be interesting as we transition into another phase of his life. The first 5 years have been great so I can only imagine what the next will have instore.

What a week in PreK!!!

2010-02-27T20:08:00.000-08:00

Marcus had a great week in PreK this last week. He got a real taste of a school project by glueing 50 marshmellows on a poster board. Funny how every time we counted them one was missing....I wonder where they walked away too...possibly Markie's tummy :)

We finally got done and he was pooped (his words)!! If he only knew it gets worse from here on out!!!

To continue the celebration of the 50th day of school, Friday he was to dress up as a 50 year old. What else does a 50 yr old grandpa wear -- bathrobe and slippers!

To top off the week, the PreK class got a field trip to Whataburger to get a shake! I don't remember cool field trips like that...we had to do learning things...the milk shake would have been so much better. Marcus had a great time and talked about it all the way home!

Thanks to all those at AK for making a great week!!

Record Snow Fall Fun

2010-02-13T22:19:00.001-08:00

I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes...12+ inches of snow in the DFW area within 24 hours. A new record of all time was set and lots of new smiles and memories created.

We woke up Thursday morning to a beautiful white snow blanket. It was so pretty to just stare out the window on Thursday to see it falling and accumulating so quickly. The trees were gorgeous - my favorite part of the scenery. We had snow for Christmas but nothing like this. For the first time Marcus had the pleasure of playing and running in the snow that was piled up over his shoes and up to his shins in some areas. There was enough on the ground to build snowmen, make snow angels, and Marcus' favorite - one awesome snowball fight!! He had so much fun falling into the snow piles. His pants could have been rung out with water from the snow. We took a stab at a snowman complete with eyes, nose, scarf, arms, hair and hat. I'm sure he was somewhat weak on the snowman scale but since we haven't had lots of practice at this but thought he looked great!

We went to bed Thursday night watching the snowfall and woke up to an even higher white blanket covering outside. He didn't even mind that school was cancelled on Friday due to the snow..big shock right! Round 2 of snow ball fighting. Marcus couldn't have been more excited to see that snow again. He loved hetting hit with it and was even better at throwing it. He nailed me a few good times with some great snowballs.

It was wierd trailing snow into the house and having wet shoes, gloves and jackets from the snow. Good thing we had some sand toys that worked great for the snow. Marcus went on a treasure hunt around the house for snowman parts. It actually felt not that bad outside with no wind and just the still of the snow falling. The cold hands were definitely the worse part and I will never forget the moment when the freezing cold snow finally got to Marcus. He ran all the way inside crying that his hands were freezing off!! I kept wondering when it was going to hit him...nothing that a little help from the hair dryer couldn't warm them up in no time.

This was a great experience and who knows if it will happen again to this extreme. I'm very glad that Marcus got to have this experience at this age when so much is still new and exciting to him. Such a beautiful surprise and definitely a time to cherish and remember for all time!!!

What is Love?

2010-02-10T20:20:00.000-08:00

Tonight for storytime we read some books about Valentine's Day. It was intertesting to have a conversation about love with a 4 year old. His perspective is so simple...Iasked him what does it mean when you say "I Love You".

As I look back on his 4 years I don't know that I have ever tried to explain that, yet he says it all the time and appropriately. Marcus replied - I say "I love you" cuz you are my mommy! The answer couldn't have been better but I was still not satisfied..so I go in probing for more detail from the 4 year old. I asked Marcus if it meant something different when he told Granny or Papa or anyone else in our family and he replied, "Well, No I love lots of people that I like to be with but I tell Granny more cuz she buys me more toys!" Again...priceless.

What is Love? Marcus seems to know and maybe we should all take a piece of this conversation away - afterall who said you can't buy love??? lol

In the words of Clifford the Big Red Dog -- " Love was the warm, happy feeling you got when you were with someone you cared about."

My Valentine's wish for everyone -- take in stride Clifford's meaning and let those around you whom you care about know that you do care and love them (maybe pocket the 4 year old's reasoning for another time or a better gift) lol

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Weekend Splurge

2010-02-10T20:06:00.001-08:00

This past weekend I treated my mom and Marcus to a mini-getaway. Wasn't the original plan but it turned out great and we all enjoyed it. My mom so needed the mini-break plus the tequila from her 3 margaritas Saturday night....lol

Started out Saturday by heading to Elementary school carnival for a fund raiser. Marcus enjoyed playing the games and took away some great prizes -- he won 3 books from the book walk, I won cupcakes from the cake walk (go figure) and Marcus won 2 stuffed animals from the stuffed animal walk -- he even got me a stuffed Nala to go with Simba! Who doesn't love The Lion King?
Marcus took his first attempt at a real rock wall climbing adventure - all strapped in and up he went just like Spiderman...well Spiderman up a short wall. He managed to get up 3 or 4 steps and then figured out that he liked swinging down even better. He did great for his first try. I know I couldn't have made it up where he got to!

It was surreal seeing Marcus walk around this elementary school. As we entered the classrooms, library and cafeteria I couldn't help but get choked up thinking that in just a few months my little man will be in a place just like this on his own - all day - everyday. I can't believe this time is fast approaching already. I swear I am in denial and will be until the first day when I go to pick him from Kindergarten. I was trying to explain all the different things and rooms as we went throughout the school and he really seemed to enjoy it. We even ate lunch in the cafeteria so he could sit as he would this time next year.

After a few hours and now pooped out...it was time to head off to the hotel for our evening of splurge!

We stayed at a nice hotel that Marcus loved for the water fall, bridges, and fish; with free happy hour and an awesome free breakfast. I splurged for a nice steak dinner for my mom and I while Marcus SCARFED down an big pizza all by himself. He must have been hungry from the busy day.

Marcus enjoyed the big bed (even though 1/2 of it wasn't touched) and the indoor heated pool. It was wierd to go swimming in February and seeing the steam on top of the water but it felt nice...until it was time to get out and FREEZE!

Just a relaxing time away with my family - I couldn't ask for more!!! Well mayby I could of if the original plans had happened but all is well that ended well!!!

3 Months

2010-01-30T21:10:00.000-08:00

3 months has passed...so much has changed in such a short period of time...90 days and so much change.
Relationships have passed, new beginnings have been started and loved ones now gone.
I believe that people come into your life for various reasons. Not everyone you come in contact with will be in your life for the long term. Then again those you may just see as passing for a short time may surprise you. It's up to you to decipher the coding from your contacts and decide who fits into your life - like a jigsaw puzzle.
These last 3 months have been such a crazy emotional ride. It's a wonder I made it out the other side. The one thing that I know that has helped me move on has been HOPE.
Hope of some peace and closure from my past.
Hope of a new beginning.
Hope of a promising future.
Hope to become a better person and pursue what I truely want out of life.
Hope of a desire to be happy.
Hope to be loved as I know I deserve to be.
Hope to make someone happy.
Hope to give Marcus a happy life.
Hope....what more do we need?

In the beginning...

2010-01-07T20:07:00.000-08:00

of the year 2010....there was lots of excitement, messes left over from Christmas, new stuff to find a place for, lots of cleaning to get done, new toys to play with, decorations to take down, loved ones to miss, recent memories to look back on, and new memories to be made.
I have been exhausted, happy, relaxed, loved, and yes even sick! This first week of the new year has been one of the greatest of my life. I am so proud to have those I care about around me. This year I am open to new possibilities in all aspects of my life. There are already a load of things planned and going on and I can't wait for all the new memories and experiences.
Marcus has gone back to school - yeah!!! It's so hard to think that come August he will be walking thru a new set of school doors into Kindergarten. He is such a smart little guy - scares me to fast forward 10 years! I have a gut feeling that this year will be unlike any before - good or bad - but unlike any other!!!! In advance, I thank you for being a part of it. Come in, sit down, and hold on for the ride :)
Here's to a great year so far...I am ready for so much more.

Goodbye 2009...Hello 2010!!!!!

2009-12-31T21:50:00.001-08:00

Out with the old and in with the new! Another year has ended and a new year (and decade) are upon us. This is usually the time to make that list of New Years resolutions that you know will not happen just cuz you put them on a "list". My new year resolution is not to make any new year resolutions! I am going to continue striving to improve my life and everlasting happiness for both myself and Marcus.
It's hard to look back on 2009 - so many mixed emotions from this year. I got to do some great new traveling, new sights, and lots of new experiences with Marcus. This has been a great year with Marcus watching him grow and learn. Happiness and sadness with him growing up so fast. This was also the hardest year for my family with the loss of my grandmother and uncle in November. For this we have all had to deal with some unwanted growing pains as kids and adults. It's these unplanned life altering events that even though are pure torture at the time make us who we are today.
My wish for 2010 is continued blessings, good health, and pure happiness for everyone! 2010 plans to be filled with new adventures, love, and good will! Cheers to you and your family for a great New Year. Happy 2010 :))))

Christmas at Home

2009-12-25T21:30:00.001-08:00

Time for some new memories to be made at home! Our at-home Christmas celebration started Wednesday afternoon with our last batch of holiday baking. We got everything done and the goodies packed up in the knick of time. The candy cane fudge was a hit this year!! I am so glad I gave the recipe a try and I hope some of you make it as well next year!!! We then got to visit with some friends and gift exchanges. I love surprising people with the unexpected gifts. Yes I do go overboard but I love it!!
Christmas Eve was a day for playing, stockings, prepping Christmas Eve dinner and Mass. Marcus and I exchanged stockings and a couple small gifts. He carefully picked out the ones for me to open...he was so proud of what he helped picked out.
This Christma Eve unlike any in my life came with a beautiful blanket of white SNOW!! Yes a white Christmas in Texas...one of the best possible gifts ever and sooo unexpected!!!!
We enjoyed watching it falling and bundling up to go out. That evening we spent some more time with friends before getting ready for our "overnight" guest. Marcus laid out the fresh cookies and milk. We spread the reindeer food over the white covered ground. I love this night of the year...Marcus is actually excited to go to be early!
Marcus was out like a light and Santa came thru making a mess and loving the cookies. Marcus tried to wake up at 430a,, 630am, 730am wanting to open presents. Each time he dozed back off and we finally got up at 830am to open gifts. Marcus played with his gifts from Santa while I made pigs in a blanket for breakfast. Then we started the real fun (and mess)...opening the rest of our gifts to each other. 3 hours later after getting up this morning Marcus sat on the couch and watched a cartoon...this was the first time to be still all morning. He was very happy, excited, and so many "Thank you's" and "I Love You's."
Then we took off to see the new movie Alvin and the Chipmunks. Back home to ride his new bike from Santa and his Christmas dinner wish...pizza! Go figure :) LOL
We ended this great day with some Chutes and Ladder and Memory! Another night early to bed for Marcus..too much excitement from such a great day with my little man!!! It couldn't have been better.

Christmas with Granny

2009-12-25T20:32:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was our Christmas celebration with Granny and Uncle Denver. Time to reflect old memories and make some new ones. Traditions carried on...cookies, dinner, and stockings - my favorite part!
We started off the weekend with a playdate at Hoppin Hippo - an indoor playarea that Marcus just loves. My brother got him to try a couple new things and he was excited to show me around as this was my first time joining him there. He usually goes with Granny while visiting her solo.
We then had some last minute shopping and home to Granny's to relax. Saturday night we opened stockings - my mom has always managed to find great stocking stuffers.
We woke up Sunday morning to Christmas presents and then Christmas dinner. It was a tough time opening presents from Nana but we made it thru. Everything was great and appreciated. Then we took a ride to view some Christmas lights and decorations. Marcus had a great time!!! Thank you Granny for a great holiday celebration :)

Dear Nana

2009-12-20T14:04:00.000-08:00

Dear Nana,

Thank you for all you have done over the past 73 years. You have lived a full and long life. Apparently this time last year you already knew that you would not be here with us this time around. We found your poem - "My First Christmas in Heaven" - you hand wrote and packed with mom's Christmas decorations from last year. We opened the gifts this morning that you had already purchased for this Christmas season. So prepared yet so much left undone. It was tough to not buy presents for you and felt weird passing out gifts and seeing "from Nana" with no "To Nana."
Mom read the poem outloud and your gifts were the first ones opened. As usual you did great and actually got practical things we needed. Marcus loved his Patrick pillow and even though he doesn't want to admit it to Granny, I think Iron Man was his favorite toy. Thank you for the Pyrex set...I really did need some oven safe dishes!
Just like every year...Mom mislabled gifts and I'm sure she has forgotten some. We'll get a call in a few weeks..."Guess what I found for you in the closet!" Dinner was great...the usual...ham, mashed potatoes, mac-n-cheese, green beans and rolls. Mom did think she put the ham in the oven at 930am and Denver found it in the fridge at 11am. So needless to say we were a little late eating this year. Denver sliced the ham as usual...might was well use his MAN skills for something...lol
I had no salad as it just didn't seem worth it just for me. My salad eatin' family member is gone. I had no one to fight with over who was going to clean up after dinner. I just started cleaning up and washing the dishes in silence.
Everyone is napping as I sit and stare at your memorial table Mom created. It's kinda wierd looking at that black box and sorry but we did not set you on the table while we ate...Denver was wigged out!
I truely hope your first Christmas in Heaven is everything as you had hoped for. You are able to once again spend this season with your mom and dad. I know how happy that has made you. Despite you telling us that you are not far away and we shouldn't have any tears...it's still tough to hold them back knowing that you are not here with us. We miss you and love you lots.

Holiday Fun

2009-12-12T22:02:00.000-08:00

The holiday season is definitely under way and busy as usual. Shopping - check; gifts wrapped - check; cards stuffed and mailed - check, etc!! We have had 2 visits with Santa plus mailed of 2 additional letters to the North Pole (Marcus wanted to make sure he got it all!)
This was the first year that Marcus was 100% excited to see Santa - big accomplishement.
The tree is trimmed, house decorated, and we are ready to start sharing holiday time with friends and family. Holiday activities have included a tree lighting ceremony and Santa in Rowlett then Christmas in the Park in Mesquite complete with Santa, roasted marshmellows, hot cocoa, santa's workshop, Mrs. Claus and a pony ride. It was extremely cold but that feeling while hanging outside for 2 hours is the best part. We made a trip to Athens to check out the Christmas Park lights display. Checking out lights and decorations is by far my favorite part of the season. I am so glad that Marcus really enjoys this to. We still plan on going out to Richardson to visit Santa's Village and have lots of parties and visits coming over the next couple weeks. Marcus loves shopping and picking out gifts. We even picked some toys for Toys for Tots. I'd like to make sure that Marcus knows what is really important during this time of the year. We picked out a couple for both girls and boys and he had a great time picking out the presents then dropping them off. Today was his ultimate shopping trip with Granny -- he got to christmas shopping for me. This is a tradition that my mom has done with him every year and he looks forward to it and puts lots of thoughts into what he wants to give Mommy for Christmas. Now the time starts for baking holiday treats and party food!!! Still lots to look forward too and great new memories to be made! Here's to you making your holiday memories too!!!!!!!!
Happy Holidays!

Thanksgiving Weekend

2009-11-29T11:03:00.001-08:00

This has been a great Thanksgiving holiday weekend :)
Happy, sad, funny, memorable, new, unforgettable, desirable, and last but not least loving -- all emotion filled events!

My 2nd ever by myself dinner turned out great. Just enough food for leftovers to send but not that UGH full feeling after the meal. Marcus yelled out "This is the best Thanksgiving ever!"...that made it for me right there :) Cooking for my family is easy but lots of different carbs...dressing for myself, mac-n-cheese for my brother, mashed potatoes for mom, and parmesan noodles for Marcus. Everyone's favorites. Then we had a relaxing afternoon of football - yes I watched the Cowboys (made me nauseated but I made it thru) lol. We also watched the Texas vs. A&M and Go Longhorns!!! Throw in a vicious game of Uno Spin of which my brother won and some hot gingerbread for dessert. All made for a perfect Thanksgiving day!! Surrounded by great company and lots of laughs and smiles. The long day ended perfectly making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Friday started out with some shopping but not crazy black Friday shopping at 3am...I was still snoozing til 730am. Headed down nostalgia lane in my old neighborhood -- good memories! Then we headed to Firewheel since my mom had not been there before. Got home to relax a little then back out with some friends to see New Moon -- Team Edward all the way!!!! Not really into the wet dog smell...lol

The weekend has been more on the relaxing side...picked up around the house, laundry, lots of gift wrapping, cleaned out the DVR recordings and Marcus had a playdate at CEC. Gotta get ready to get back in the normal weekly routine tomorrow :(

Friday started out with some shopping

Thoughts of Thanksgiving

2009-11-24T20:02:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving this year will be unlike any precedented Thanksgiving in my family. We will be one member short at the table this year. Our beloved Nana will be watching from above. It will be very weird as I step into the kitchen this year...she's not there to either help or cook it all herself. No more of her telling us to leave the mess til later so we can play cards after dinner. No more stuffing ourselves full while she barely took a few bites cuz she was full from cooking it all.

Old habits are hard to break. I finally deleted her phone number from my house phone but can not yet delete it out of my cell. I have stopped myself 3 times so far in picking up things for her for Christmas. I always seem to find the exact point in the Christmas candy aisle with the creme drops that she loved. Marcus and I made ornaments with her picture in them to hang on the tree. She will be a part of our Christmas forever now and hanging on our tree shining bright. My only regret is letting her win when she said no pictures of her. It was so hard to get pictures of her and now that is all we have or shall I say what little we have.

This Thanksgiving (more than any other) will be a time to remember our blessings and truely thankful moments in life. She will forever be with us and we will continue to go on one day at a time.

On another sad note, I will be attempting my 2nd turkey dinner for Thanksgiving in my adulthood. It has been 12 years since I have made a Thanksgiving dinner...should be interesting. The turkey is already clean of feathers, right???? lol

So Brave!

2009-11-24T19:36:00.000-08:00

Marcus has been such a brave boy this past week. Some new and possibly scary experiences for both mom and him. First we headed to Children's Medical Center to have a head CT done. We are on a hunt to track down the causes of his headaches lately. We practiced laying really still like he would have to do. I was so hoping he would cooperate so he wouldn't have to be sedated. I kept reassuring him there was no pain or nothing touching him. He told me he was scared but he would be brave...and so brave he was. He climbed up on the table and put his arms down to his side and told the lady to start moving the table. Perfect images 1st time around and we were done! Nothing found requiring emergency treatment...just waiting on final results from the dr.

Secondly, (part of the same headache hunt) I made his first eye exam appointment. I needed to go anyways so we got back to back appointments. Again I tried to explain what they would ask him to do. I forgot about the puff of air test...I hate that one myself so I was expecting him to protest a little after the 1st eye but not a thing...he changed eyes and took it like a man!
He did great and passed with flying colors. No vision problems of any kind and the doctor told me she was very proud of how well he took and followed directions. She said she had better cooperation and a more thorough exam from him at the age of 4 then from some patients at the age of 10. Way to go!!!

Now if I were truely a mean mom I would have scheduled a dental appointment too this week....nah...we'll save that one for later!

Date with Marcus

2009-11-24T19:26:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday was a date day with the best little man I know! I took Marcus to Nokia Theater to see the show Curious George Live. It was great and Marcus was full of smiles the entire show. Who doesn't love that little monkey? We didn't really know what to expect but it turned out great. Theme song (and dance) along with all the favorite characters. Marcus was a little disappointed since George didn't make a big mess as he usually does. He did stow away on a plane to Rome so I would consider that BIG TROUBLE...lol

After the show we went to The Magic Time Machine for a late lunch early dinner. A first experience and again it was a winner. Marcus loved all the different pictures and decorations. We got there at the perfect time and our server was Captain Jack Sparrow from The Pirates of the Carribean. Marcus loved him and kept asking him where the treasure were. He even noticed that the bottom of our table made an X with the crossbars. Pirate Jack (as Marcus called him) proceeded to tell him to get a shovel and Marcus took that queue and crawled under the table.

The food was great and Marcus loved his blue bubbly volcano drink!

Tis the Season...

2009-11-15T16:57:00.000-08:00

6 weeks to go...tis the season to be jolly and merry!!!
I absolutely love this time of the year...decorations, tree trimming, trees, lights, cards, picture taking opporunities, gift wrapping, shopping, baking, giving, smiles, cheers, Santa and the list goes on...
I've got a good start on it all...tree is up and decorated, decorations throughout the house, cards in the making, holiday crafts, list of items to bake, holiday parties, and gifts to get wrapped and under the tree. I'm so glad that Marcus loves this time of the year. He gets a kick out of just walking thru the stores looking at the decorations. He can't wait to see Santa and make his list. He's been reviewing the Toys R Us Big Toy Book to prepare for his list making. We have lots of plans for fun holiday activities this year and they are officially under way! I'm so excited...

Day at the Zoo

2009-11-08T20:09:00.000-08:00

Marcus wanted to go visit his animal friends at the FW Zoo so we had the open day and spent it there. The animals were very active today...probably the best live animal action we have yet to see. The gorillas were walking around and eating fruits. We watched two gibbons (monkeys) playing a great fast game of tag and putting on quite a show. Orangutans were kissing. Most of the animals were eating left over pumpkins. We finally made our way to the tigers and lions...Marcus favorite part. The white tiger was right up to the glass window pacing back and forth. It's awesome to see those animals so up close but I wouldn't want to meet them in the jungle. We stood around with the tigers and lions for a good 30 minutes. Marcus can stay there all day if I would let him. We were able to see the King of the Jungle make 2 rounds of ROARing...just to let everyone know that he is the boss. We even managed to see him mark his territory (if you catch my drift) and Marcus thought that was funny. After we had seen most of the animals, we got some lunch then hung around in Texas Wild. Marcus was promoted today to riding the carousel by himself fir the first time while I waited outside and snapped some pics. It may seem little but just yet another step to his ever growing independence. "Mommy, I can do it by myself." :( Ending the day with a train ride back to the front of the zoo and one last look at the flamingos and gorillas/monkeys. It was a great day all around...weather, animals, and lots of happy smiles from my little man!!!

Here's the link to pictures.
http://picasaweb.google.com/jenbissen2003/DayAtTheZoo?authkey=Gv1sRgCPe456Sosof0Tg&feat=directlink

Whirlwind

2009-11-07T17:42:00.000-08:00

This has been a whirlwind of a week, that is for sure. Again, I apologize for the distance...but for the most part we have joined the world again. I just needed some alone time following my Nana's passing Monday evening. A little communication here and there was really all I could handle. Both Monday and Tuesday evenings invovled some nausea and not so fun bouts of vomit. Probably just a form of stress relief I'm sure. Marcus had his first cry for our beloved Nana and woke from sleep the other night. He has started to ask a few more questions and I even heard him playing in his room and sending the bad guys to heaven so they couldn't be bad anymore. The angels would help them be good. It's hard for me to know how much he understands and I know children are far more resilent than we are but still I wish I could know what he was truely thinking.
Marcus enjoyed being back at school and dance this week...his normal activities as compared to the off week we had last week. I am better at talking about her and what has happened now. I believe a few days to process my intial grief, denial and anger. I am fine talking about her life and our memories of her. The nights were lonely, laying in the bed trying to fall asleep. Emptiness and sadness followed by thoughts of all the future events she would be missing out on. I am truely grateful she got to experience her first and probably her one and only great-grandchild as I know being a "Nana" was what she was meant to be. I am sorry there was no wedding for her to be part of. I know that if that day were to come in the future she would be looking down and wishing me only the best. I also know she will be looking out for Marcus as he grows up. We will always have our memories and her love as we move forward with our lives.

Harvest Fun and Halloween 2009

2009-10-31T20:17:00.000-07:00

We had a great harvest season and Halloween this year.

Marcus got to visit a couple pumpkin patches including Moores Farm in Tyler, TX. His 1st trip thru a corn maze -- which he loved!! He was great at it too. Marcus actually got his face painted this year for only the 2nd time in his life.
Marcus went trunk or treating at FUMC again this year and had a blast for a mini trick-or-treating. Familiar faces and lots of candy!

Marcus, my mom and brother put up the outside decorations and Marcus was so proud. He came running inside to tell me to come look at the scary stuff!

We carved pumpkins this year for the first time. I had a basic jack-o-lantern carving lesson and did a little (like only cutting out the top of the pumpkin) lol. Marcus had no interest once he saw the inside and what he would have to pull out. He liked the final products but that was it!

Trick or treating was lots of fun and there soooo much candy! About 30mins into it..he was tired of walking...so I said no candy if no walking...lol He kept going for another hour. We finally got back to Granny's house for his last attempt at "Trick-or-Treat!"

Once back home Marcus got the chance to pass out some candy to "customers" and I think he had more fun with that.

All in all it was a great time of fun and lots good memories.

Thank You

2009-10-30T20:57:00.000-07:00

I wanted to send out a public "THANK YOU" for all of the wonderful thoughts, good wishes and prayers over this past week. It has been a long week ending a long 6 months (at least) of ill health for my grandmother. Even though I have not said it recently please know that I truely am grateful for all of the support and kind words. It makes such a difference. I have not been very communicative with everyone so here is the short version.
My grandmother has been sick which started last November with coughing. Turns out she has lung cancer on top of a heart condition and severe malnutrition/dehydration. My mom called 911 a week ago today and she was admitted into the hospital. She is refusing medical treatment and flood/fluids. We moved her into a hospice care facility Wed evening and she is now on Morphine for pain and basically made comfortable at this point.
So here I am playing the waiting game. That sounds so awful as true as it may be. I feel sad, heartbroken, angry, relieved, guilty...the list could go on.
Sad for losing my grandmother. This is the first immediate family member that I grew up with to lose to death. I know it's a natural part of life and I know it is better for her in the long run but it doesn't make it any easier.
Heartbroken for my son. Will he remember his Nana? Will he know how truely wonderful she was? Even thru her stubbornness and controlling ways. No longer will I hear "Nana let me do it." This one little phrase that I used to love when telling my mom as a child but now that I am a mother took on a whole new affect for me.
Angry for her being so stubborn and refusing to get treatment or help. Makes me wonder if she knew the whole time. I look back on this past year and even if we were to find out about the cancer last November, she would have refused treatment and we would have lived in fear of the cancer for this entire time. Like a big black cloud hanging over her head. If that were the case she might not have had as many high moments as she did. Maybe the not knowing and sudden decline really was the best for her.
Relieved to some extent that her pain will be short lived and she will soon enough be pain free and in peace.
Finally I feel guilty for all of the above. I know this is all natural but again not so easy. I only hope I am helping my mother as much as possible. I have made peace with her passing and now have to be here for Marcus. He has done quite well. I do believe it is getting hard for him to continue to see her like this. Her cognitive awareness is quickly fading. She is not making alot of sense and very hard to understand. She is seeing and talking to non-existent things / people. It might be hard but better for him to say his goodbye and keep the good memories he has of her. I don't want his last to be the worst.
We still have some tough times ahead but I feel better expressing it somewhat.
Thanks for listening.

So Many Emotions

2009-10-24T21:18:00.000-07:00

How many emotions can one person go thru in a week???
Let's count shall we?
Anger, sadness, lonliness, hurt, confusion, longing for more, happiness, excitement, joy, worry, scared, terrified, more sadness, more worry, conflict, resolution, self worth, confidence, more excitement, content, and finally peace.

I'm sure I have left some out but you get the idea. No one ever told me that being a grown up would this hard sometimes. I do think things happen for a reason (to some extent). We are given branches from the tree of life and it is up to us to tug that branch or break it off and keep going. I did lots of tugging this week.

I had to do some hard personal searching and listening. Forgivess and acceptance. Not easy to come by. I do believe I have done what I believe is right and just as I suspected...starting with leaving the past behind me was the most difficult. Already looking to the future and the light is bright!!!

Lots of sadness, worry and anger towards my grandmother. Why must she be so stubborn and just want to give up? Yes she is 73 but that doesn't mean she has to give up and want to leave her life. She has so much to look forward too...mainly watching Marcus grow up. It really hit me this morning after talking to her. She sounds awful but unfortunately she has brought it on herself. I am sad for her wanting to give up and die, mad at her for doing this and being selfish, and hurt knowing I would miss her if the worst were to happen. Good news so far with no immediate life threatening issues...just her stubborness and possible psychological issues and control on her part. It's difficult to think she is causing this hurt and stress on purpose. We will see what comes of the mental eval and then deal with that as necessary. I am very grateful to know that she is most likely not dying at this moment but am still concerned for her well being.

So now I find myself looking towards my future - very scary but exciting!!! I know in my heart I have my memories to take with me and my love to pass on.

Great Saturday!!

2009-10-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

Marcus and I had a great day out and about after a crazy up and down week. Woke up this morning for Marcus' dance class. I actually sneaked in a few pics on my phone (love that phone) then he picked Jack-n-Box for lunch. He even took his JIB toy car to show them.
We then headed out to Rockwall to hit the pumpkin patch and hay maze. Marcus looked and looked for the right pumpkin and finally settled on a little one...just his size cuz he could pick it up (his words). He really loved the hay maze..no surprise there and only went thru it about 20 times. I was able to get some good harvest pictures and Marcus actually had his face painted - pictures of choice were a pumpkin and skull. This was the first time he has done face painting since he was 2. We then proceeded to run by Micheals and Lane Bryant for me!!! I got some great deals and great new clothes. New clothes are even better in smaller sizes. Marcus sat there as I tried on clothes and told me I was pretty!!!! What else does a mommy need?
Last stop was Walmart...my despise on the weekends but I had no choice. We needed some groceries something bad. Got a birthday gift, few Christmas gifts and finally groceries and TP!!!!!!!! Finally made it home around 6pm and put away everything, cleanded out the fridge and pantry. I made dinner and then Marcus made mini-brownies for dessert. Then he proceeded to paint his small pumpkin...his own creation and design! He enjoyed it so that is all that matters. He finally passed out and here I sit watching The Proposal and my online addictions...I don't need help, I don't need help, I don't need help....LOL

East Texas Vacation

2009-10-19T20:33:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was Marcus' vacation in East Texas. We took a long weekend mini-vaca and headed out to Tyler, Palestine and surrounding areas. This was Marcus' fun with a little throw in for my mom and I.

Friday was full of animals....big cats mostly. Marcus loves his tigers and lions...they are sooo cute...how could you not? First stop was the Tiger Creek Refuge Camp. Lions and Tigers and Tigers on my!!!! Up close and personal...so much closer than any zoo type setting I have seen so far. Standing a good 3 feet from the Kind of the Jungle is quite amazing. My mom adopted a 1 year old white bengal tiger in his name. He will get regular updates and has to send periodic money to the refuge camp to help take care of his tiger. He was estatic and is very proud of his tiger cub. Next stop was the Caldwell Zoo. This zoo is the best by far for the most natural settings within a zoo. The African overlook scene was AMAZING. It looks out as if all the animals were on one plain roaming wild together. We walked up and had to look 3 or 4 times seeing the lions lazing nearby the zebras...don't the zookeepers know that lions eat zebras?? lol

Friday night my mom and I visited the Tyler Drive-In theater. It was great fun and definitely not an everyday experience. Marcus was in awwww of the big screen outside. He slept some and hung out in the backseat with his portable dvd player. Nothing beats the movie from the comfort of your car, cheap snacks including homemade rice krispie treats, or your own volume control and steaming up the car windows...yes with my mother...LOL

Saturday was a short drive to Palestine. Driving over Lake Palestine was gorgeous. This another summer spot for my list! So much to do on the lake and beautiful surroundings. We finally boarded the East Texas Railroad for a roundtrip to Maydelle on the steam engine. My first true train ride...and it was great. Walking the cars takes practice!!!! I looked as of I had been downing Tequila the morning before...lol Marcus loved it and was even witness to a train robbery! (No worries...all money stolen was donated to charity) We got to Maydelle and got to watch the train engine spin on the Maydelle Turntable....full 180 degrees. Definitely a cool thing to see. We finished up with a sleepy ride back to our home depot...the gentle rocking of the train was easily putting us to sleep. Marcus was zonked when we got back to the depot. We found a hole in the wall diner for lunch then headed back to Tyler. We stopped by the Tyler Rose Garden for some roses. Marcus enjoys walking around the flowers. They have some great picturesque scenes there and some awesomely colored roses. No wonder they are the Rose Capital of TX!!!
Saturday night concluded with a trip to Dairy Queen for ice cream for dinner...only on vacation!!!

Sunday was spent at Moore Farms visiting the animals, pumpkin patch, hay ride, and corn maze. Marcus was GREAT at the corn maze. He was a natural at following his instinct to get out of the maze, not once but twice. He was on a roll and would have gone back in by himself if I allowed him to do so. From there we visited the pumpkin patch to pick a pumpkin. He had to carefully look and inspect to find the right one! Thank goodness it wasn't the monster size pumpkin! lol Lots of picture ops for the harvest fun. Marcus' favorite part was the corn box....literally a box full of corn kernels..similar to a sand box. Marcus laid down and tried to bury himself in corn!!!! Now if he would only eat it!!!! We made it home with a bed tied to my hood...yes a BED!!!!

It was great vacation and mini-rest. Lots of quality time with my mom. Marcus had a blast but as usual was ready to come home! He's such a homebody!!!! Pics will be posted soon.

Big Boy Bed

2009-10-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

Marcus finally has a new bed....and he loves it! I have been looking but just couldn't find something I liked and was willing to spend the money for yet. My mom and I found a gently used loft bed with a metal frame and only half as tall as most others. It's only 3 steps up and no steps needed to get down....he JUMPS!! There is plenty of room underneath for his superhero fort....and he has been under there all day playing.

This "perfect" bed was no small feat. Thanks to my mom and brother for helping out last night and today. After 2 trips to Walmart and 2 different Home Depots...we finally got storage and all the right hardware for the new bed. Marcus and I then spent another couple hours arranging his room and playing in the fort.

I'm not worried about him having to get up in the middle of the night nearly as if he were up at the ceiling. There are side rails and he has lots of pillows and stuff animals around the edges. We still have to get a twin mattress and new bedding.

He was very excited to sleep in his big boy bed tonight! Here is showing off with his moves and a couple pics he took himself and finally ready for bed!!

Thank You

2009-10-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

Just a public "Thank You" for all the great birthday wishes today. You know who you are and this goes out to you. My day has been perfect. Marcus woke me up singing Happy Birthday...not once but twice. Then off to the gym for a 2 hour workout. Came home to find my mom here waiting on me then off again for errands and a pedicure. I even got a free French pedicure for my birthday..can't be freebies!!!

Marcus waited all day for my cake. We didn't plan on having a cake since we were leaving out of town in the morning. He was so disappointed when we told him we weren't having a big cake. My mom took a candle and arranged for the On The Border staff to bring out a dessert with the candle lit. Marcus' face just lit up as bright as the candle when they came out to sing. Afterwards we sang Happy Birthday, made a wish, and blew out the candle. We had a fantastic dinner and should be heading to bed...early wake up call in the morning.

On a side note, its interesting to see who cares to send out the warm wishes for the special moments in your life. I have had some warm wishes today from blasts from the past...some I would have never expected. Just makes you wonder why/when people choose to think of you or express their feelings and when they don't. Why is it that now I find myself more concerned with those that chose not to...today...on this one day...1 out of 365. Just makes me wonder how important you are to those you consider important in your life. It just makes me sad to know how much I think of certain people and thus get the proof of no return thoughts or consideration.

Refreshed and ready to tackle another year!

2009-10-15T06:55:00.000-07:00

I wake up today with a sense of freshness. On this day as I turn 32, I look to my past, at my present and into the future. Another new year and another chance to make yet another great year of my life story. I am beginning to realize that my present life may be holding me in the past instead of allowing me to move into the future. Clean start….that’s the answer. It is truly needed for my future happiness. I have been told several times this past week that I don’t do enough for me or I am too absorbed in thinking of Marcus’ future. What about my own future? Yes they will cross but I have my own dreams and desires. What kind of values can I instill in Marcus if I don’t follow them myself? I am suddenly having these eyes-wide-open awakenings of what I want for my future. No one can make it happen but me. I know now that I can not be truly happy in the long term if I continue the path of the present. I need to move into the future and remove myself from the past. I know this is easier said than done but it must be done. I firmly believe that people and experiences are introduced into your life for specific reasons and times. These people and events are what make us who we are, give us our strengths and point out our weaknesses. It is however, up to us to make the final decisions of what to do with them and how they will change our lives. I am truly thankful for all I have, whom I have come to know, and what I have learned from my previous 32 years in this life. Never taken for granted, never forgotten, and cherished always.

Year of Reflection

2009-10-05T20:51:00.000-07:00

And once again, that time of the year is rearing it's ugly head....my birthday that is. Don't get me wrong I love celebrating my birthday - infact mental reminder to start my daily nagging to my mom. Every year, never fails, she expects it and loves it!!! Anyways back to me....I like to look back over the past year to see my growth -- or in some cases my downward spiral.

Looking back over this year I have done some personal inner and outer growth and finally became comfortable with what I want out of life. I have realized life is too short for the drama and games. I want the bigger picture of true life happiness.
I have taken a serious grasp on my health for my future well being - not only for myself but for Marcus. I want him growing up proud of his mother, knowing that I have done everything possible for a long happy healthy life. I am very proud of my accomplishments thus far and have no plans to give up now.
Some may say that my work can easily consume me and I would agree. I rather enjoy my work and take pride in such efforts in my career. I have been contemplating going back to school for a masters degree...still haven't fully decided what I want to be when I grow up. I should probably think about that soon before I have to be a full-time adult...lol

I look back over this year and I have watched Marcus grow up into a little man. I can't believe he is 4 & 1/2 now. He has accomplished so much in just his short life...kind of makes my last year irrevelant. I do know that I have gained patience and a strong sense of pride as a mother both learned from him. Life seems so simple thru the eyes of a child. His hugs to pick me up when I am sad, his kisses for my boo-boos, his laugh for what I thought was not so funny but starts a laughing addiction, his grasp to see and touch everything as he learns his world around him and last but not least his sparkle in his eye and everlasting smile for only me. That is what life is really about, in it's plainest, simplest form. I could ask for no more from my child.

Just like anyone, I hit my downs and times of sadness. My romantic life has been a bit of a roller coaster of emotions. Don't get me wrong - I like roller coasters but at some point everyone must get off the up and down ride. During my times of loneliness I can't help but think that maybe I'm not meant to share my life with another person. That makes me sad...why would I not be good enough to share my life? Why would someone else not want to share their life with me? I don't have the answers - duh...if I did then I would not have to ask the questions. lol

I have had a couple eye-opening experiences this year. I can only reflect on these and hope to use them to grow even more in the upcoming year. I need to open my lines of communication with a variety of people. I need to continue the path of moderation in all aspects of my life. I need to open my heart to those around me. I need to open my mind to a variety of views in life. I need to open my eyes to my surroundings. I am ready to take the leap of faith in making a better life for myself!!!

I have no regrets from my past year. It has been filled with lots of firsts and great everlasting memories. I am looking forward to my future. Not knowing what's in store for the year ahead - makes it even more exciting. I keep thinking about the new ABC show - "Flash Forward". If you were given the option to see your future 6 months from now for only a 2 minute glimpse - what would you do?? That is a tough one...what if it was a negative aspect in your future? You could take it as a warning and possibly change the course of your direction or what if it was something completely different than you would have ever dreamed of...do you sit and wait or worry about the possible change? I don't think I would like to see my future until the future becomes the present. No regrets on the past. Only dreams and hopes for the future. I am looking forward to a bright year at the ripe old age of 32 (ouch!!!)...lol

Karate

2009-09-30T19:02:00.000-07:00

Marcus turned over a new leaf this year and wanted to give Karate a try. It's offered at his MDO program so that means that is one less place / time I have to be. I love that and will gladly write my check each month.!!! Last year he wanted nothing to do with but all has changed with his new found love for superheroes and fighting. He got his uniform today and told me that he can kick harder with his white belt on...as if it gives him super powers. He's enjoying it so far and I kinda like the idea of him learning the discipline and self comfidence that comes with the art. He might as well learn now how to direct his anger and strength. I wish him the best!!

So not winning Mother of the Week!!!

2009-09-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

I have been so off this whole week. I guess I left my "mommy" skills on the road! Maybe I just have too much on my mind lately. Not really sure what is up but poor Marcus is getting the worst of it. First he gets locked out on the patio and it takes me 15min to get the screen door unjammed. I had him believing that he was going to have to sleep outside. Then he slipped getting out of the tub last night and tonight he comes really close to getting his fingers slammed in the car door. What will happen tomorrow???? At least it's not Friday the 13th...lol
All I know is that I had better shake whatever I have going on soon!

Notes from the Road!!!

2009-09-22T17:58:00.000-07:00

What else could be better besides the open road and a map to Las Vegas????
I had a great week away just doing whatever! I got to see some great scenery across 5 states and lots of new experiences. California coast, lights of Las Vegas, Hoover Dam with lots more in between. After a few stops by Border Patrol and actually believed to be a US Citizen...lol First trip to the West Coast - only thing I have to say negative is not enough time. Had some good ol' Cali-Mex food (not Tex-Mex for once), fish tacos and hung out on Ocean Beach in San Deigo. Las Vegas was great, exciting and so much to see. We casino hopped, tried new foods and had some drinks and slots. Even though Lady Luck was not on my side or anywhere near me for that matter it was a blast. Lions, tigers and dolphins oh my!! I got to hold a lion cub at MGM Grand - most likely a once in a lifetime experience. Up close to dolphins and tigers at The Mirage. I took a quick elevator trip 540 feet in the air for some great views from the Paris Eiffel Tower. Back on the road and some great scenic views to Arizona. I got to spent some quick visits with long lost family - grandmother, Aunt, Uncle and cousins in Arizona. It was great and felt nowhere like it had been 2+ decades of in person visting! I miss them and will be definitely going back in the Spring. This week was definitely an eye opening experience with lots of time to think about lots of stuff. What's next???

Pet Rocks

2009-09-07T17:10:00.000-07:00

Marcus has his first pet...4 pet rocks! All named and a homemade house for! He has to take care of them by feeding them nightly - they love baby goldfish. He has to check on them, talk to them and can take them out to play once in awhile. Of course they can't stay home by themselves so when he visits Granny he will have to tote them along.

He picked out each color and each name himself...all with superheroes in mind.

SuperMan "Rex" (dark blue)

"Dino" Hulk (purple...not sure why not green...lol)

"Ice"Man (aquamarine..same as is iceman toy)

"Tiny" Batman (who is pink...kinda funny)

We'll see how this goes and hopefully I can successfully make sure they eat their goldfish every night....i.e....removing evidence before he wakes up in the morning. I'm excited to see his excitement about his pets. He helped make their house and wanted to add some toys so they could play..a block and ball; even complete with a blanket and food dish.

Stay tuned....

Labor Day Weekend

2009-09-07T16:33:00.000-07:00

What a great Labor Day weekend getaway! It's times like this that make you cherish your friends and family! It was nice to spend some relaxing time with friends for a couple days. We chilled outside and watched the kids play with much needed freedom compared to their daily routines. Marcus was given the chance to play rough and tough in the dirt and grass. It took some working up to but this morning before we left he did spend a good 2 hours barefoot running around the yard. That is a huge achievement for my "obsessively clean little boy." We enjoyed the peaceful country scene and sounds, good food and great friends. A couple margaritas and hot tub dip in the evening! Marcus enjoyed playing with Dylan but not as much as Dylan enjoyed having Marcus around I think. Drive home was complete with a visit to a couple zebras and camels on I-20. Marcus like the camels until they came up to us trying to be a little too friendly! lol
Back home with the normal routine for a few more days then off to San Diego and Vegas!

Week of Firsts

2009-08-26T21:16:00.001-07:00

Brand new school year is now in full swing. This has been a week of firsts for both Marcus and I.

Marcus has started a new session of dance class (combo/tumbling). He had a blast and did great for the first day. He is the only boy this time around but I think he likes being the McDaddy Marcus with all his dancin' girls!!! lol

Today was his first day of Pre-K!! Pre-K...seriously already? Somedays I feel like I just brought him home from the hospital. I look back at far we have both come these past 4+ years. It's amazing what children teach their parents. Pre-K went off great! He helped make teacher survival kits and homemade sugar cookies. He loves giving gifts of any kind to anyone...I just love his generousity and sense of self-fulfillment he gets from giving. He came home with lots of stories from the day...input 4 year old imagination here!

His main excitement for the day was Karate. He has the option to take Karate classes at MDO and this was the first year he wanted to give it a try. He told me that he kicked the shield so hard and knocked down the guy. He was so proud! He was a little upset though that he didn't have a karate uniform so hopefully that will be even more exciting.

Such an exciting year ahead...I can't wait to see what's in store for him as he learns and grows into a young man.

Downtown Dallas Fun

2009-08-19T19:27:00.000-07:00

What a night!!! Great fun, food, friends and new adventures!!!

We actually spent the evening in Downtown Dallas almost as tourists in our own home town. I must say I haven't done much of that since I have lived in this area since I was 5 years old.
Evening started out with Marcus' first train ride on the Dart Rail. He loved it for the speed and the fact there was no seatbelt (go figure for a 4 year old)...lol

Got off the train to stand in line (yes in the heat) for the Disney Christmas Carol Train Tour @ Union Station. Marcus enjoyed the bigger train and looking at the behind the scenes movie stuff. He likes Scrooge...go figure! The best part was at the end when you got to morph your own picture into a character picture from the movie. The last train car smellled soooo good like Christmas gingerbread!! Made me excited for Christmas time already. We can't wait for the movie and hopefully Marcus will remember and think about what we already saw from the train.

Last night also included Marcus' first trip to a porto-potty...even as a lucky boy with no need to touch anything, he refused to go cuz "it was nasty and stuff in the icky water" - his words! He's more girlie than me sometimes. He was a trooper and held it for about another hour to a clean RR at TGIF. Dinner at a cool place (for the kids) with a huge image of Superman on the wall and all. We had some hungry kids complete with ice cream for dessert.

To end the evening experience in downtown, we were able to talk the horse-drawn carriage driver down on his price and took the kids on a ride thru the West End. They loved it and this by far was the best part of the night. The weather was perfect by this time and the kids enjoyed waving as our horse Princess Jasmine or "Jazzy" trotted along the streets. I myself have always wanted to do this and we got to do it together!!! The driver was very nice and friendly (by that I mean very talkative) and even played kid music during the ride -- Wheels on the Bus & On Top of Spagetti!! Even though Marcus love the ride, he didn't want to get close to the horse. Maybe next time.

Ended the night with a train ride back to Garland to our car and watching the storm clouds roll in . Complete with wind and trash blowing around the cobble streets of the West End. Marcus crashed hard and all night long!!!

Family

2009-08-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we got to spend some time with my stepmom's parents. Marcus had a blast for the first time meeting them. He liked his great grandpa & grandma. Makes me wish I were closer to more of my family. Especially around the holidays I would love to have 30 or so relatives together around the table. Believe, they are out there but so many miles apart. I wish for Marcus to grow up a family orientated man. I hope he takes the concept of family to heart. Even though our immediate family is small I don't always feel we are close (not in the geographic sense). Yes I am the closest to my mom but not so much with my dad or brother. I wish that were different. It just feels as if the past is holding us back with no forward movements. For Marcus' sake especially we need to work on that and the sad thing it that it will have to fall on me to make the moves. But that is okay.
In a few weeks I will be seeing my grandmother from my dad's side face to face for the 1st time in 15 years. Yes she lives in Arizona but that should be no excuse for the time lapse. Marcus has yet to meet her so that visit will be in the works as well. He may not remember it but she and I will. I'm in hopes of getting to see a once very close cousin and I can't wait either....we were itty bitties (literally) last time we were face to face! I have been fortunate enough not to have lost any of my immediate family yet but I feel as if I need to wake and quit taking our time together for granted.

Apples to Oranges

2009-08-13T19:09:00.000-07:00

Ok so lately I find myself conflicted, comparing apples to oranges if you will please. Why is that once I believe I know what I now what...I wake up to realize that it could be possibly something completely different? This goes for the small mundane day to day things to the life altering bigger choices. Why can't it be easy and compare apples to apples??? I guess that would be just too easy...wouldn't it? Life is short - that is for sure so it makes you want to have everything possible. There's not enough time in the day, days in the week, months in the year and years in our life. So instead I am going to try and start taking a step back to breathe and the inhale that I am living now...you can't hope and waste the present on what might or might not be in the future. Lots of exciting times comin up and great things to look forward to with family and friends!!!!

More To Love -- maybe or maybe not???

2009-08-05T17:55:00.000-07:00

So as I sit here watching More To Love on ABC, I am sickened to the bottom of my stomach. All of these women are pulling out the pity stories and poor me crying eyes. These women have known this "perfect man" for only two weeks and are so mesmerized by him and deem him the only man that they could fall in love with. Take a step back and think of why exactly you are there and what you are truely looking for. To me these women have no self confidence, self worth nor do they know themselves enough to give themself to a man. It disturbs me that the network is portraying such an emphasis on their size. These are issues that women deal with no matter what their size. I get the jist of the show but I don't agree with the women trying to pull it off.

Anyways how does this stupid reality show relate to me, you might ask???
My life may not be the ideal for many people I know but that is what makes it my life. I have no regrets for how I have lived my life so far. Of course I wish for more but who doesn't? Of course I would like to find that special someone to share my life with but I am not going to create a pity party for myself in order to make that happen. I am happy and content with my life at the moment but I will continue to look for the positive future for even a better life. I don't blame my life on my weight or physical attributes. I don't have a problem meeting men - the problem is finding one I feel worthy to share my life with. I don't think I ask for too much -- just the same level of trust, honesty, respect and love. How difficult can that be?
I refuse to blame my social life on my weight...or how I look. No matter how you are physically if you look down on yourself then why shouldn't someone else. If you don't feel worthy then no one else will either. That's all on you, not them. Don't expect someone to treat you better than you treat yourself.
I have no regrets and I know what I want and I know someday it will all fall into place.
Thanks for listening to my ramble.
Thanks for listening.

Summer Update

2009-08-04T18:54:00.000-07:00

Just thought I would give a mid-summer update. With everyone so busy these days I can't keep straight you has been kept in the loop and who has not. I figure this is the easiest way.
For the most part, the summer has been good to us. Marcus is addicted to swimming like a goldfish! He has really come out of his shell in the water this year...swimming alone with a swim ring, jumping in with and without the ring, going under water on his own....just not afraid of anything in the water. He also took a major advance at Burgers Lake a couple weeks ago and was walking barefoot in the sand & water. He has never liked the feel of the the wet sand but he was surprisingly okay at the lake. Maybe next summer we'll try the beach again.

Marcus completed his first year of dance and actually surprised us during the recital. I was prepared for tears and screams as he was pushed onto the stage. But just as he has always done he pulled thru and was great. He said he had a good time and wants to do it again so next week we're going to sign up for another year of dance. Marcus was introduced to T-Ball this summer and really enjoyed it. He wants to play again but we just have too many scheduling conflicts this fall. So next year T-Ball will be first pick if he still wants to play. He has also asked to take Karate at school so if offered, he's going to give that a try. I love the fact that he is open to trying new activities. I just hopes he finds a true passion and sticks to it to the best of his abilities as he gets older.

He also attended a couple weekly summer camps this year and had a great time meeting new friends. He made some great art work and tried some new foods as well as gaining independence. It was tough on us both having to get up and out every morning for a solid week. I will be the first to admit that I am spoiled so we have another year to practice getting up and out the door for school every morning. Ugh...

Other fun activities this summer --> Medieval Times for the first time and loved it; the Ringling Brothers & Barnum Bailey Circus; getting better riding his bike; week visit with Granny and Nana; jumping off a diving board; and great week of VBS with his best buddy from preschool.

I can't believe that school is about to start again and another summer gone...I will have a pre-K student. Lots of fun things yet to come....my first major adult roadtrip across 5 states; vacation with Marcus and Granny to East Texas; lots of fun holidays with family and friends and then it will be time to ring in the new year...bring on 2010....geez I'm tired.

I hope everyone's summer has been great and best wishes to all!

What a night...

2009-07-13T22:04:00.000-07:00

Today was great....until I left the house at 6pm...that is.
Marcus was excited all day to go to VBS again tonight. He is having a such a good time with his friend from preschool. It's amazing to watch your child develop relationships on their own. Just another milestone of their independence and personal growth.

So I drop him off and head to the gym for a good 1.5 hour workout. Leave the gym on a good high and get in my car...no start...5 times later I get it started. Seriously....so now I am freaked out about my car dying and not making it from Rowlett to Mesquite to pick up Marcus in time. I manage to get there, pick up Marcus and head for Auto Zone. Why must the guy with the attitude about his job have to be the one to wait on me??? He checks the battery and alternator and both are fine. Then he proceeds to give me a lecture about the battery cable corrosion. Like I need to hear this from him now....
So he sends me on my way yet I still have a check engine light and no dash lights. It has been starting fine since then. So I drive thru McDonalds to buy a large coke for the battery cables and it gets spilled before ever making it to the cables.

This was my queue that my day was over. I came inside and hit my head while getting out of the shower...my head is throbbing and still not able to fall asleep yet. So tomorrow I have to find out what the heck is wrong with my car and get it fixed before I have to drive to Waco Sat morning to take Marcus to my mom's.

This is my sign to buy a new car...I need to go shopping now...3 years for a car is my limit!!!! Must go car shopping!!!!

New beginnings

2009-07-05T20:32:00.000-07:00

July -- new month, new season, new chapter in my life.

Wow - I can't believe it is July already. Half of 2009 is gone and what do we have from the past 6 months? Time seems to be flying by so much faster these days - I can't help but wonder if I am missing out on something bigger and better. Do I keep putting too much emphasis on the smaller things and not taking in the biggger picture?

Summertime is great! So much fun going on with family and friends. July 4th weekend was by far the best holiday I have had this year!! I definitely feel as if this past week has been a new beginning...only time will tell but I am so looking forward to the journey.